Badge of Honor
by jottingz
Summary: Things aren't completely straightforward for Janeway when she gets back to the Alpha Quadrant.
1. Chapter 1

**Badge of Honor**

Disclaimer: No infringement intended. The characters don't belong to me.

Setting: Delta Quadrant (A bit after "Workforce")

* * *

Morale was bad on USS Voyager. Of this, Captain Kathryn Janeway had no doubt.

Although their travels had been in mostly safe space over the past few months, the encounter with the Borg during the Unimatrix Zero incident had left the crew unsettled and sometimes anxious.

Their time on Quarra had been especially difficult for many people, herself included. Relationships had been made and broken. She knew that some of the crew had even considered staying on Quarra, despite how they'd come to be there.

Having her umpteenth coffee for the day, she pondered what could be done, while staring out at the passing stars.

"Mr Tuvok?"

"Yes, Naomi? Do you have a question?"

"No, sir. I've completed my assignment."

The Vulcan raised an eyebrow in that special way he only did for Naomi. Naomi could tell when Mr Tuvok was pleased with her and, except for Captain Janeway, he was the person she was most eager to please.

Tuvok reached across the table and took the padd offered by the girl.

"I will give you my evaluation at our next lesson, Naomi." He glanced at the earnest young girl facing him. "We should discuss your next project."

"Yes, sir." She leaned slightly forward. "What _is_ my next project?"

"I believe we are at a point, Naomi, where you should bring all the skills you have been developing to a final major work. Something that requires you to research, put certain events into context, evaluate information and make a recommendation or reach a conclusion. Do you understand?"

"I think so sir." Naomi loved the way that Mr Tuvok spoke to her, like she wasn't a child, but sometimes he used some words that she had to look up afterwards.

"I will construct some guidelines, but you will be responsible for choosing a subject and working through your report. Your access to the Starfleet database will be upgraded accordingly."

"Wow." Breathed a delighted Naomi. This meant she got to do a grown up report. At last. Wait till she told Mom!

* * *

"Commander!" 

Chakotay stopped walking and turned around to see Naomi approaching. Always pleased to see their youngest crew member, he smiled as she bustled up to him.

"Hello Naomi, how are you?"

"Great, Commander. Thank you." She breathlessly replied. Naomi always seemed to be in a hurry. "Commander, can I ask you something. It's _official_." Her expression had changed to one that exuded all business.

"Of course, what can I do for you?"

"Well, Mr Tuvok has given me a report to do and I can pick what I want to do it about, as long as it's Starfleet related." She paused and gave him an earnest look. "I chose to make it about a great Starfleet person from history."

"Sounds like a great theme. Have you chosen someone yet?"

"Yes sir. But I need help getting historical information from the database. Mr Tuvok said I have to follow all the protocols."

Chakotay held back a grin. Naomi's maturity and intelligence outstripped her age and all her tutors were finding it increasingly difficult to make her lessons challenging, yet informative and interesting. Tuvok had chosen an excellent topic. Naomi's favorite subjects were all things Starfleet and Starfleet related. The ship's database would be full of information about whoever she chose. And he was sure she'd choose James T Kirk, as he was the most famous and flamboyant personality Starfleet had ever produced.

"Okay, so what do you need?"

"Well, mainly historical information, career stuff and things like that. Everything else I was going to ask people."

_Ask people_? Suddenly he had a bad feeling about this.

"Who's your famous person, Naomi?"

"Captain Janeway."

"But I thought you were going to do a _historical_ report."

"But the Captain was the captain since before I was _born_," she said in a tone that indicated that Naomi thought that her choice was obvious "and she's the most famous person I know."

Chakotay was willing to bet that not even Tuvok could have seen this coming.

"Well, I think I'd better check with the Captain to make sure it's acceptable for you to check through her service record."

Actually, what he intended to do was to ask her in a general way. The more he thought about this, the more it had the potential to be very interesting.

"Yes, sir." it was clear that Naomi believed this was just a formality, "Then I can start my research?"

"Of course, Naomi. I'll check with the Captain this afternoon."

* * *

In the end, Chakotay decided to check through Janeway's service record himself. He had never got around to it at the beginning of their journey, although he had fully intended to at the time.

Of course, at first, he hadn't completely trusted his new captain, but as the weeks and months flew by, he had grown to admire and have faith her. Due to the series of attacks and difficulties Voyager had experienced in the first twelve months especially, he had just never got around to checking her details. Afterwards, when he had the time, he hadn't seen the point.

He let out a low whistle as he scrolled through her record. Her accomplishments were many and impressive. He'd always known that she was a good student, but her Academy results were outstanding.

Once she'd graduated, she'd quickly risen through the ranks and it was obvious that her ascent was not due in any part, to her father being an Admiral. She had done most things the hard way and had achieved all her promotions on merit. As she had told him years before, she had started in the science stream, her first assignment being with Admiral Paris on the Icarus.

Chakotay's cup of tea sat untouched as he became enthralled with the details of Kathryn Janeway's career.

Her first mission, on the Icarus, had almost ended in disaster. The young Ensign Janeway and Admiral Paris had been captured by the Cardassians. Chakotay shivered at the thought. Though rescued soon after capture, Ensign Janeway had been responsible for in turn rescuing one of the Rangers who had been sent to retrieve her, refusing to leave him behind. This had earned her her first of many decorations.

There followed a series of impressive accomplishments, only hindered by the deaths of both her father and fiancé. This event had almost ended her career, but she had, in typical Janeway style, recovered after that tragic episode.

She had changed to the command track on returning from dealing with the tragedy and had become the driven, yet extraordinary officer he now knew.

He would omit the more distressing and personal bits from the data that Naomi would access, but everything else he would allow her to view.

* * *

"_Janeway to Paris_."

"Paris here, Captain."

"_Tom, report to my ready room please_."

"On my way, Captain."

Paris received the call in the mess hall. His wife gave him an accusatory glance.

"What have you done?"

"Nothing." He considered. "Or, at least, nothing that I can remember."

By the time he got to the Captain's door, he was worried. He couldn't imagine what he'd done but with morale so low, he hated to think that he'd even _inadvertently_ let the Captain down. He straightened his jacket and smoothed down his hair and then let her know he was there.

The door opened and he was relieved to see Janeway on her sofa peering into space.

"Tom, come up here and sit down. I want to discuss some things with you."

All sorts of disturbing thoughts flashed through his mind. Bad news from home? No that couldn't be it. Something about B'Elanna maybe, or was it that he'd done something wrong. Was she considering a new pilot?

"Tom, please tell me that you don't think I'm such a horrible person. You look like I'm about to order your execution." He looked a little relieved but still braced for a blow. "I need help with something Tom, and you're the first person I thought for the job." He obviously needed more convincing. "Please, relax Tom. Wouldn't you like a cup of tea or coffee before we get started?"

She could see the tension leave his body. Janeway made a mental note to herself that if nothing else, she really needed to lighten up, where appropriate, with her crew.

Handing him a coffee and sitting back down on the sofa, she smiled at him, again trying to put him at ease.

"OK, here's my problem. Morale. Tom, it's terrible."

"Yes, I agree, and it's been worse since Quarra."

"Exactly. I need a diversion or _something_, but something that involves the whole crew."

"Like a party?"

"I guess, but I've been trying to come up with something more participatory. But not in a mandatory type way. An event, for want of a better term, that everyone, regardless of who they are on board, will _want_ to be a part of."

"I can see your problem."

"Yes, I knew you would. I've been wracking my brain trying to come up with something, but it's hard for me Tom. I think I've become too removed from the crew."

"Well, I know that's not true, if it were, you wouldn't be so concerned now." He replied in an off hand way, as if just stating an obvious truth and Janeway was touched by his confidence in her.

She reached out and touched his arm. "Thank you, Tom." He just gave her the shy Paris smile.

"Okay, well," he hurried on, trying to get past the emotional moment "given the type of thing you're after, the first thought I had was 'Christmas'."

"Well, I did too, but it's a bit Earth-centric, not to mention culturally specific. Christmas would be perfect, and as it's only _July_…but I don't think we can wait for five months."

"But, what if we use the principle, not the religious or seasonal tradition, rather the 'good will to all men' thing?"

"Hmm, yes, I guess…but I don't see…"

His face suddenly shone with inspiration.

"A Kris Kringle!"

"A what?"

"It's a sort of secret gift giving thing. Everyone that wants to participate pulls another participant's name out of a hat and they give that person a gift."

"But how does it get everyone involved?"

"Well, if I know this crew, they'll all be more than happy to _give_ a gift to another crew member and then, they in turn will receive one as well." He smiled. "This could work, Captain."

"It's a wonderful idea, Tom. I love it." She smiled. "You're not just a great pilot."

He beamed at her approval.

"We'll need to come up with a timetable. Maybe even a 'theme', you know, to get everyone anticipating it. Perhaps something that encourages a more personal gift…"

"_Tom_."

He laughed. "No ma'am, not that sort of personal. I mean, _family_ kind of personal. It's just a matter of developing the idea."

Janeway could practically see the wheels turning inside his head.

"You know what I'd really like?"

"No ma'am."

"I'd like it to really involve the senior staff in some way. Make us seem more accessible to the crew. I know everyone, but they don't necessarily know me, if you see what I mean."

"Yes, Captain, I get exactly what you mean."

"I know I can't be 'best buds' with the crew, but I don't want them unwilling to approach me, or any other member of the senior staff for that matter, if they need help." She looked at him candidly. "I'm sorry Tom. I think that's what's known in engineering terms as 'scope creep'."

He laughed.

"A bit. But I know what you mean. We're a family, we should make sure no one is left out of the family."

"That's it exactly." She put down her now empty coffee mug. "So what do you think? Can do?"

"Definitely 'can do' Captain. I'm even starting to look forward to this myself."

"That's the spirit, Tom."

* * *

"The preliminary scans are completed for the two star systems we will pass through in eight point three days." Seven pointed to the monitor "This M class planet appears, at this distance, uninhabited and," she bought up a different display, "the geological and chemical scans show high concentrations of several valuable minerals and elements of which we are in short supply." Another image replaced the current one. "Also, it appears to have dense vegetation and may be a source of edible materials."

"Any downsides that we can see?"

"Not as far as we can tell at this distance, Captain." Harry added.

"Well, then, alter course towards this planet Mr Paris." Turning towards her chief engineer she asked, "Can we make better speed, B'Elanna?"

"Not recommended, Captain. The food wasn't the biggest loss in the attack. As you know, our dilithium matrix is tending towards unstable. I'd rather not push it with supplies so low."

Voyager was still mopping up after an unprovoked attack by an unknown ship a few weeks before. The mystery ship had inflicted quite a bit of damage before suddenly breaking off its strike and moving away at high speed. Chakotay suggested that they'd been a victim of mistaken identity and when the culprits realized their error, they'd left. The captain tended to agree with him. They hadn't seen any sign of the attackers since.

Janeway nodded at her Chief Engineer. "Agreed. Nothing else, anyone? Dismissed." She motioned to Tuvok and Chakotay. "Commanders, could you both stay please?"

They waited while the rest of the staff left the room.

"Well?"

"I think it's almost too good to be true, but it looks like just what we need." Said Chakotay. "But having said that, nothing appears to warrant undue suspicion. We just need to use standard precautions, I think."

Tuvok nodded at the first officer's comment. "I would, of course, recommend that we extensively scan the planet beforehand Captain. Otherwise, I have no further suggestions."

"Excellent, thank you, gentlemen."

The trio made their way back to the bridge. Chakotay and Tuvok returned to their stations, the captain not bothering to sit in her chair.

"Mr Paris, my ready room, please. You have the bridge, Chakotay."

"Aye, Captain."

Tom followed Janeway. When the doors closed, she motioned the couch.

"I think this planet would be the perfect location for our event, Tom. Do you think it's too late to get the Kris Kringle organized in a week?"

"No, I think a week is fine. How do we use the planet though?"

"We land the ship."

"You're _kidding_?"

"Nope. We make absolutely certain that it's not inhabited, we send preliminary teams in to make sure it's got all the minerals and foodstuffs we need, and then, if it all checks out, we land and let the crew kick back for a couple of days."

"That would be fantastic."

"I've already discussed it with Tuvok and Chakotay and they agree with you." She laughed. "Our proposed site at this stage is a fairly temperate location with a beach nearby. It won't be a white Christmas, actually it won't be Christmas at all, but at least everyone won't have to replicate extra clothing. Except maybe a swim suit."

"This is going to be great. I've had a few ideas about getting the senior staff involved, as you requested. Can you give me another day or two on it, Captain?"

"Of course, but we'll need to get the names to everyone for the gift exchange as soon as we can."

"Yes, ma'am, I'll send those out this afternoon, after shift."

"Did we get everyone?" She was almost frightened to ask.

"That's the best part, Captain. One hundred percent participation."

"Damn, but I love this crew."

* * *

"How are you Chakotay? You look exhausted." She ushered him into her quarters and pushed him to the sofa. His lack of protest worried her. "Don't worry, I've got some edible food from the mess hall so you don't have to risk my cooking. Tom called it 'take out'." She got the food from the table "Salad and soup. Nice and light."

He still hadn't spoken.

"Are you with me, Chakotay?"

"Always."

She beamed at him. He could always be depended upon to make her feel better even when he was struggling with something himself. Janeway placed the food on the coffee table.

"Good." For a moment she thought she would cry. Chakotay wasn't the only person who was over tired, it seemed. "Eat. That's an order Commander. And a request to tell me what's wrong."

"I don't know Kathryn, I just feel a bit unsettled." He didn't feel the place to tell her that he was actually feeling lonely was while he was having dinner with her. Their dinners were pleasurable, but hardly what he would consider romantic. And he felt he needed some close companionship.

"You know what I think, Chakotay?" He realized that she had started speaking again. "I think you've spread yourself too thin. You haven't stopped since we left Quarra, plus all the stress you went through when we were there." She reached over and patted him on the arm. "When we get to this planet, I want you off duty for at least two whole days. I mean it."

"Thanks. You may be right."

"And, not even a hoverball game with the captain. I think you should just take some time for yourself and go beach-combing or whatever you'd like."

The last thing he wanted was to be by himself, however, he replied.

"You mean you're going to go two weeks without busting my butt on the hoverball court?"

"Oh come on. I do _not_ break you."

"Kathryn, in seven years, I have won only three games."

"No, that can't be right." She seemed genuinely surprised. "Only _three_? Noooo."

"Three. And I've never beaten you at velocity or pool."

Janeway seemed upset by this revelation. "I had no idea."

"Well, I could win at some things, but you don't like the games I choose."

"Chakotay, I _am not_ boxing you."

"Spoil sport."

They talked for a few hours. Janeway categorically refused to talk about anything work related, although she did discuss the Kris Kringle with him. Chakotay agreed it was a wonderful idea and shared her enthusiasm for the scheme.

"I remember my mother used to make us sweet treats at Christmas."

"I thought your people didn't celebrate Christmas."

"Wrong tribe." He laughed and rose from the couch. "Well, it wasn't exactly Christmas, but we did have a gift giving celebration, especially for the children." He stretched and made to get up off the couch. "Well, thank you for dinner Kathryn, I enjoyed the evening very much."

"It's entirely my pleasure Chakotay. I hope you're feeling better soon."

He doubted that, but he tried to put as much warmth into his smile as he could manage as he left.

"Good night, Kathryn."

* * *

Tom was becoming nervous. Captain Janeway had been reading and re-reading his proposal for the last five minutes. It seemed like an eternity. He was fairly convinced that he'd gone too far and been too familiar with his superior officers.

"Explain to me again, Mr Paris, why I have to be an elf."

"Captain, everyone knows elves are supposed to be, um," he searched for a suitable word, "_diminutive_."

"Are you saying I'm short?"

"No, ma'am, _certainly not_. Perfect captainly height, if I may say so. It's just that the rest of the senior staff are so tall. Except for B'Elanna of course, but then, who ever heard of a pregnant _Klingon_ elf?"

"But human captains are fine? Remind me again why I promoted you?"

"Because I'm charming and lovable?" Paris ventured.

"Right. That must be it." A pause. "So, it's typecasting that I'm an elf?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Then why is Tuvok playing Santa Claus? I may be short, but I know that Santa was supposed to be from the North Pole on Earth. I'm betting there can't be many Vulcans at the North Pole, Tom."

"Improvisation Captain. Chakotay's culture doesn't have Christmas…"

"I'd forgotten that it originated on Vulcan. And apparently, it does, Chakotay's culture, I mean."

Tom was becoming immune to Janeway sarcasm.

"Harry will be busy with the band and music," he continued, hoping he looked unfazed "and I'll be organizing, you know, _stuff_."

"_Right_." She gave him a stern look. "Mr Paris, I will only say this once," Tom took a deep breath, preparing to lose several layers of his skin, "of all the ridiculous, downright mad and totally inappropriate plans you've come up with over the past seven years," she stood directly in front of him and handed him back the padd, "this is, I think, my favorite."

"Really?"

"I'm chief elf, right?"

"Oh yes, Elf-In-Chief, yes, ma'am. Absolutely."

"Great. _I'm in_. This is going to be so much fun. And Tom?"

"Yes, Captain?"

"I want something culturally sensitive, yet still embarrassing for Mister Chakotay to do, is that clear?"

God, but Tom loved his Captain. It was all he could do not to hug her right here in her ready room. In fact, before the thought had even left his head, he'd done it.

"Oh, Captain. Please excuse me, I got a bit excited. I'm so sorry."

Not for the first time, Janeway thought that Tom looked like a small boy that had been caught doing something wrong. It was a breach of protocol, to be sure, but given the circumstances, it wasn't that big a breach. For all his bravado, Tom always seemed so crushed if he thought he'd disappointed her in some way.

"Well, Tom, I'm not saying I didn't enjoy it," Tom's smile returned in full force, "but perhaps not on duty. Oh, and not in front of your wife. She may not make a good elf, but she makes a terrific Klingon."

"Yes, Captain."

"And don't forget, I'm Elf-In-Chief. Dismissed."

"Yes, Captain."

* * *

"OK, I've gone through your Kris Kringle list again, and something isn't right."

"Why, what's wrong?" Tom looked over his wife's shoulder.

"Well, for a start, I've got 145 crew members and 147 gifts."

"That can't be right. Make the list by recipient name."

"Well, lookee here, Tom."

"How did Naomi and Icheb end up with two presents?" He smiled. "Although, kids _should _get extra stuff at Christmas."

"I don't know, the list just shows who is getting a gift, not who it's from." She looked accusingly at him. "It was your idea to keep it secret."

"No, no, it's fine. It could be Sam, but you'd think she'd have other family things organized."

"Hmm, well do you want me to make sure that the list is okay and there hasn't been a data problem or something?"

"No, it's fine. I'll check it out."

"Let me know if you need help."

Tom stared at the screen, deep in thought. He had his suspicions. While his wife was reading some engineering reports, he checked the crew's replicator use for the past month.

It needed someone who could hack into the list and manipulate the gift recipients. It had to be either B'Elanna or…yes, there it was, Janeway had almost stopped using her replicator rations the day he suggested the Kris Kringle. It was the Captain who had put herself down for the extra present for Naomi and Icheb _and_ she'd switched her 'real' recipient for Chakotay. Interesting.

"I don't see why I have to be Santa's helper."

"Chakotay, Tuvok will need help with the gifts. Look on the bright side, at least you don't have to wear a big red suit and whiskers."

"Hmm, I don't know. What are you doing?"

"I'm Elf in Chief." Janeway replied cheerfully.

Chakotay laughed out loud at that. Janeway immediately thought that being an elf was already worth any embarrassment, just to hear him laugh.

"What does the Chief Elf actually do?" he asked.

"Not sure, to be honest. Maybe keep the other elves under control?"

He checked the padd again.

"Kathryn, there aren't any other elves."

"Oh. _Really_?" She looked delighted. "Well, that certainly makes my job easier and I get a _hat_."

* * *

The air of anticipation was high by the time Voyager finally touched down on 'Santa's Cave' as Paris had named it. Janeway had felt herself holding her breath while waiting for Tuvok to complete his security report, almost afraid he was going to detect something that would necessitate them abandoning the idea of landing.

However, neither Tuvok, nor his many security sweeps, had detected any dangers on the planet, and she wanted to join Harry and Tom in their excited "Yes!", as Tuvok finished his analysis.

The location selected for putting Voyager down was in an area where the vegetation was less dense than other areas nearby and also had the advantage of being within five hundred meters of a beach.

The crew spent the first afternoon on the planet creating their 'party area', making sure that there would be enough room for everyone to sit and eat the next day, designated 'Kringle Day' by Tom.

* * *

Tuvok was a gracious, if quiet, Santa Claus. Janeway thought his selection, (as the man in red), an inspired one as the crew finally got to see his wicked sense of humor in action. He was exactly the same Tuvok that he always appeared but somehow he allowed everyone to see his playful side (if it was possible for Vulcans to have a playful side).

He began distributing the gifts. Slowly, methodically and in alphabetical order, after announcing that gifts would only be presented to those crew members who had demonstrated that they had been "nice, not naughty" during the preceding year.

Working his way through the crew manifest, he started with Ensign Lydia Anderson, but at the J's skipped to Jenkins. By the time he'd reached the O's, however, it was clear that Tuvok had somehow discovered 143 synonyms for "nice" (although he had seemed to resort to at least five languages so far) and no two crew were given the same description. At the T's, Chakotay presented Tuvok with his gift, remarking that Tuvok was always 'nice' and then Tuvok returned to his task.

By the time he'd reached the final gift to Crewman Yosa, he was receiving a hearty cheer from the whole crew at each new pronouncement.

The only person not to have received her gift so far was Janeway. The crew held their breath as Tuvok finally announced "Janeway, Kathryn M…" he held out her gift to her with a raised eyebrow, "Acceptable". And with that, the whole crew burst into yet more laughter and rousing applause, before finally settling down to open their gifts.

The clearing where they were rang with more laughter and even a few tears, as people unwrapped all the presents.

Janeway had hand embroidered a bag for Chakotay to keep his medicine bundle. She had thoroughly researched as well as she could his tribe's symbols. In the end, she had decided on an almost generic Native American pattern, but had used some themes from his people. The colors were those that she knew were his favorites from his sand paintings.

Naomi's uniform, of the Starfleet Academy prep school, had been met with absolute delight from the child. She had held it as if it were the most precious thing she had ever touched and as if it would break apart in her hands. Icheb had been similarly thrilled, if more restrained than Naomi, with his cadet uniform.

Tom had given Janeway a t-shirt with "Just do it" on it. He had seen one some years before when they had been in 1996 Los Angeles and had thought it most appropriate for her. She had immediately pulled it over her elf costume and worn it for the rest of the day.

The crew were certainly enjoying both the Kris Kringle and the prospect of spending some time on Santa's Cave. Janeway couldn't remember when she'd last seen people this happy and excited.

There was one matter that she needed to clear up and she spied Tuvok and Chakotay standing with the rest of the senior staff.

"Commander,…"

"Santa." Said Tuvok.

"Right. _Santa_." Janeway made it sound like a vague threat. "May I ask why I was not designated 'nice'?"

"The workings of the special seasonal crew evaluations and implementation of the ranking system is confidential, Captain."

"Well, I'd better be 'nice' next Christmas, Mister Tuvok, or I'll be demanding answers _while sitting on Santa's knee_."

"I believe that after suitable review, Captain, we will be in a position to amend your designation to 'nice'."

Janeway pushed her cap back on her head to an even more rakish angle.

"That's more like it." She now swung on her first officer. "You think I'm nice, don't you Chakotay?"

"Oh, look! Is that Seven with some Christmas cake? I'll just go and see." And he was gone.

"Hmm, _mutiny_." She gave a sideways glance at the others who were all trying to look as innocent as possible and all suddenly had something pressing they needed to do. "You'll all keep! I know where you all live!" she called out to them.

Neelix had gone to a great deal of trouble, researching the cultural databases and had prepared dishes that had special significance to each group on Voyager. He had paid special attention to festive and happy celebrations and had adapted, to the best of his ability, the edible resources he found on Santa's Cave. He had even resisted making the dishes more interesting, at the suggestion of Harry and Samantha, as some of them seemed awfully dull to him, but the crew were delighted.

Neelix rather thought that the Captain was going to cry when he bought out the mince pies for dessert. She hadn't, but she'd especially thanked him, saying that her grandmother had made them when she was a little girl and she'd always loved them.

Actually, Neelix couldn't remember a time when so many people had been so complementary about the food. This surprised him a great deal as it all was very bland.

Most of the crew had now wandered off. The day had been a huge success. Everyone had had enormous fun, with not only the Kris Kringle, but Tom had also organized some fun games and activities that had everyone involved and laughing.

Naomi, resplendent in her new uniform, had been carried back to the ship by her mother. The young girl had participated in all the games as well as taking advantage of the ability to be able to run around without the constraints of being on board a military vessel. She had almost fallen asleep standing up and had finally bid a reluctant goodbye to everyone late in the afternoon. She'd been assured by the Captain that they were staying for a few days and that she would be able to do more of the same tomorrow.

Janeway had had enormous fun. She had stayed in her costume for the whole day. Tom thought she looked like a cross between one of Robin Hood's merry men and Tinker Bell. The crew had been delighted by her 'boots 'n' all' adoption of her 'character'. It seemed that her favorite part of her role had been her elf hat, which had a bell on the tip of the point. She tinkled wherever she went.

As the sun went down, some people had returned the main area where Tom and Harry had prepared a bonfire.

By nightfall, almost all the crew gathered around the fire. Quietly sitting with partners and friends. Janeway, still wearing her hat had looked around for Chakotay but being unable to find him had sat with the doctor and was among the last to leave for the evening, even joining in the singing of carols, started by Harry.

Everyone had agreed it had been a wonderful day.

* * *

"Ready to go, Naomi?"

Janeway and her assistant were to be the last off the planet. Naomi had wanted to get some last minute images for a holodeck recreation and Janeway had readily agreed. Though in uniform, Janeway was taking the opportunity to wear her elf hat one last time, much to the delight of Naomi.

"_Voyager to Janeway_."

"Naomi, tell me honestly, am I that much of a nag when I'm in charge?" The young girl just giggled and smiled at her captain. Janeway tapped her commbadge. "Janeway here. I hope everyone is on board, Commander, we're scheduled for a 0900 departure." Janeway used her sternest captainly voice and winked at Naomi.

"_All safely aboard Captain with the exception of two wayward crew members who can't seem to follow orders_."

Janeway rolled her eyes and smiled at the now giggling child.

"I think you'll find that those two crewmen are at the beam up point now, Commander."

"_Very good, Captain. I'll have them transported aboard and we'll be underway immediately. Chakotay out_."

The captain and her assistant materialized on the transporter platform and immediately made their way to the turbo lift.

"Did you have a good time over the last few days, Naomi?"

"Oh yes, Captain. So did Mom."

"That's g…"

Janeway's reply was lost as the ship shook. The lift shuddered and seemed to hesitate but continued on its way.

"Janeway to the bridge. What's going on Chakotay?"

"_The hit and run aliens are back, Captain. Same configuration as the previous ship but they're doing a bit more damage this time_."

The turbo lift again wobbled and Janeway ordered it to stop at the next deck, where she alighted with Naomi. The last thing she needed was to get stuck in a lift in the middle of a battle.

"Damage?" Janeway was jogging down the corridor, almost unaware of Naomi trotting after her.

"_Shields holding. Slight structural damage but we've lost phasers_."

"Keep hailing. Let's hope they realize we're not whoever they think we are, as quickly as they did last time."

Janeway turned a corner just as another explosion rocked the ship. She paused to keep her balance which gave Naomi enough time to catch up. She had forgotten the child was with her.

"Naomi, you should…"

"_Captain, we've lost warp and shields are down to less than twenty percent_."

"Prepare forward torpedoes. We'll try just a…"

"_No good, they've knocked out the launch activation sequencers. We're unable to respond with torpedoes_."

"I'm on deck four now, Chakotay, I'll do it manually. Open the access portal to torpedo bay one and I'll reconfigure for manual launch"

"_It's too dangerous. I'll come down and_…"

"Negative, Commander. We don't have time. I'm there already, I'll get started."

Opening the panel, Janeway started to make the necessary configurations as Voyager again lurched as another volley of the alien vessel's fire hit. She realized that Naomi was still with her.

"Naomi, I need to concentrate right now, so I want you to stay out in the corridor. You're not to enter this section, understood?"

"Yes, Captain."

"_Captain, Harry's trying to bypass the activation sequencers_."

"How long will it take Commander?"

"_We're not sure but_…"

"Voyager doesn't have any more time, Chakotay. We have to do something now."

Back on the bridge, reports were coming through from all over the ship. None were critical so far, but it was clear that Voyager would be in serious trouble once shields were lost.

"_Janeway to the Bridge. I've configured and armed for launch_."

"Locked on target."

There was a slight hesitation before the call went through to Janeway.

"Fire."

The torpedo found its mark, detonating with a blinding flash and for a while all was quiet on the bridge.

"Direct hit." Tuvok reported.

"Their status?"

"Seems to have knocked out their weapons, Commander. Maybe propulsion too."

"Tom, get us out of here."

"_Naomi to the bridge_."

"Go ahead, Naomi."

"_Commander, the Captain isn't moving and I can't contact the Doctor_." Naomi sounded very frightened and very young.

"Rowlins, take the conn. Tom, get down there now."

"Aye, sir." And he was gone.

"Naomi, Tom's on his way down to you right now."

"_Yes, sir_." Came the very quiet reply.

"We're receiving a transmission from the alien vessel, but the universal translators are having a hard time decoding it." Harry said quietly.

Nobody was interested in the alien's message.

* * *

"God my head hurts. What happened?"

"You tangled with another example of the Delta Quadrant's finest."

"And lost?"

"No, believe it or not, you won."

"Doesn't feel like it."

"I'm sure it doesn't. The Doctor will be back shortly, he's just gone to the cargo bay to deal with a small lifting accident." He looked closely at a perplexed Janeway. "You really can't remember what happened, can you?"

"Not really, oh wait…our friends came back."

"Yes, they were back and, until we got a torpedo off at them, we were in serious trouble."

Janeway drew a hand up and held it to her head.

"Oh yes, I remember some of it. Manual launch, right?"

"Right. The torpedo must've knocked out their weapons and while they were getting them back, they probably took the opportunity to get a detailed scan of us. They sent us a message," he pulled up a padd and read from it, "'penitential…solecism…_Verger_…amende honorable' was the best the universal translator could do." He gave her a smile "My translation: 'sorry, wrong ship'."

"I think you're right. Let's hope they let any other ships they have know that, whoever it is they're not getting along with, it's not us." He nodded in agreement. "Voyager and her crew can do without the aggravation. Voyager's captain definitely can too." She closed her eyes. It was obvious she still had quite a headache. "Perhaps we should alter our standard greeting to omit the ship's name. Maybe that'll avoid confusion and they'll not bother us further."

"Well, to be fair, they didn't realize that they were tangling with the head elf."

"Elf in Chief" she said, absently, rubbing her forehead.

"Right."

"Did we sustain any casualties?" Any humor had gone out of her voice and he could see the dread in her eyes as she waited for an answer.

"Only one," he smiled at her. "Sorry Captain, your hat didn't make it."

"Damn."

* * *

It had started as an impromptu gathering in the mess hall, and had turned out to be a full blown crew get-together. For the first time in months, Voyager's cargo bays were full of food and engineering had sufficient quantities of raw materials.

It seemed like everyone had turned up looking for someone.

On entering the room, Tuvok determined that this occasion would be a suitable time for Naomi to make her presentation and suggested it to her. The young girl returned to her quarters at a run to get her materials and notes. And, of course, to put on her uniform.

"Commander Tuvok to Captain Janeway."

"_Yes, Tuvok_?"

"Captain your presence is required in the mess hall."

"_My presence_?"

"Yes, Captain. _Full_ dress uniform is required."

"_Dress uniform_? _You're kidding_?" Silence. "_Sorry, Tuvok. Of course you're not kidding. May I ask why_?"

"Certainly Captain. Naomi is going to make her first Starfleet presentation. I considered this an opportune time as there are no other pressing matters currently being addressed."

Janeway got the message. This was Vulcan for 'no one is attacking us, the crew is feeling a little blue due to Neelix leaving the ship and we need a diversion'.

"_Understood. Good thinking Commander. When do we start_?"

"In forty seven minutes, Captain. There will be minimal disruption at the time for crew members who want to attend but are on shift. Is this convenient for you?"

Crew members on shift? Was he trying to scare the kid to death by having the whole crew present? Despite her reservations, she replied;

"_It's fine, Tuvok. I'm looking forward to it_."

"Thank you Captain. _Full_ dress uniform." He reminded.

"_Wouldn't miss it for the world Tuvok. I'll be there. Janeway out_."

There was quite a crowd when Janeway entered the mess hall. People were still coming in, all either tugging at their collars or yanking down their jackets. Janeway always got a little frisson of pleasure when she saw the crew like this. In the third row one of the ex-Maquis was getting her rank bar adjusted by one of the original crew. It appeared that they'd all taken a little bit extra care in their appearance for Naomi. It was amazing that the girl wasn't completely ruined with the amount of attention 150 people paid to her, but somehow Naomi managed to stay happy and unspoiled despite the crew's best, or perhaps, worst efforts. Samantha had really done an extraordinary job with the child.

Tuvok looked almost nervous, for a Vulcan, with his pupil about to deliver her first Starfleet report at the age of five. His performance as Santa and his nurturing of Naomi had certainly 'humanized' him in the eyes of the crew. Janeway knew him to be a caring and considerate, even doting father and she was glad that others could now see beneath the dour Vulcan exterior.

At that moment, Chakotay appeared at her side.

"Captain, I'm to escort you to your seat."

"Do you know, Chakotay, I think this is the first time I've ever seen you in dress uniform. Impressive." He smiled back at her. "But are we sure all this palaver isn't going to be a little overwhelming for Naomi?"

"More overwhelming than Borg attacks and the ship being boarded by Hirogen hunters."

"Good point." She sighed. "It's amazing that's she's not full of neurosis, isn't it?"

"Pretty amazing, yes. Although, she's a pretty amazing kid herself."

"That she is." They took their seats in the front row. "So, what's the topic of the dissertation?"

"It's about a great figure in Starfleet history."

"Oh god, not another thesis about that cowboy, Kirk. Why is it that he is every cadet's hero?" She groaned.

"Well, not _every_ cadet's." Chakotay said under his breath.

The rest of the crew were taking their seats.

"Hmm?"

"Nothing."

"I must say, it's great to see the crew making a special effort for Naomi. There's never been a crew that enjoyed wearing dress uniforms." Janeway laughed.

"They don't mind for a good cause."

She looked around the room. "Have we parked Voyager somewhere Chakotay? Who's on the bridge?" Janeway could see all of her senior staff were now present.

"Shh." Was the reply from her first officer.

A hush slowly settled on the group and they all patiently waited for the proceedings to begin.

Eventually, Tuvok very formally welcomed the crew, thanked them for attending and introduced Naomi.

Janeway felt nervous for her little assistant, although, it didn't appear that Naomi was concerned at all. The child was almost bouncing with anticipation, holding tightly onto her notes and several bits of equipment.

Tuvok gravely outlined in general terms that Naomi's presentation would be concerned with an important figure of Starfleet history.

As he completed the introduction, there was gentle applause from the crew.

Naomi, resplendent in a cadet dress uniform got to her feet in a confident manner and outlined her presentation with a poise and confidence well beyond her years.

At first, Janeway was confused as Naomi first outlined the early cadet years of her subject.

It was all too recent for Kirk. No, it was someone around her age. Could it be Will Riker? No, that wasn't right, the timing was off for his time at the Academy. She wracked her brain trying to think of someone from her graduating year that was famous. She smirked to herself, whoever the person was, they must've been a total nerd.

Slowly, the horrible truth revealed itself. Janeway herself was the subject of Naomi's assignment. No wonder Tuvok had such a Vulcan self satisfied smirk on his damned face. This was payback for the Santa thing. Anyone who said that Vulcans don't stoop to revenge had never pissed one off. She'd have to think of a way to get him back for _this_ little surprise.

Janeway was now almost cringing down in her seat as Naomi breathlessly, and with an almost exquisitely painful thoroughness, shared all the details of her long Starfleet career.

Her feeling of relief that Naomi was reaching the present day faded as Naomi started to give details of all her commendations and decorations.

Squirming with self consciousness now, her assistant meticulously detailed every citation. It wasn't that Janeway was ashamed or embarrassed by her achievements, it was just that once she'd got into command, she'd agreed with her father, who had always said, that the only recognition that mattered a damn, was a full crew complement and that crew's respect at the end of a mission.

"That's the end of my presentation," Janeway gave thanks to whichever deity was looking over her. As the applause died down, Naomi continued, "but now I would like Captain Janeway to join me at the podium please."

The applause from the crew was enthusiastic and loud. Janeway was overwhelmed by their response and blushed in unexpected self consciousness. She joined her young crew member on the podium.

"Captain, I have been authorized by the crew to perform this, um, ceremony thing." For the first time, Naomi faltered. She glanced at Tuvok, who nodded at her and she seemed to regain most of her previous poise. "Captain Janeway, on behalf of the crew of Voyager, I am authorized to award you the 'Voyager Medal' for conspicuous (Naomi pronounce it 'conspicunous' but no one appeared to notice) bravery and looking after us a _lot_ for the last seven years." Naomi again looked to Tuvok as she obviously had forgotten the exact wording of the award, but he merely nodded his approval again.

Naomi, buoyed by Tuvok's reaction, stood on tiptoes while she pinned a medal to Janeway's already impressive array of decorations on her uniform. The crew, as one, were on their feet and at attention. Janeway was almost overwhelmed as she returned the mass salute from the crew, who had now burst into applause again.

It was some time before Janeway felt equal to actually looking at her new decoration. It appeared as though Naomi had hand made the medal, which hung from a colorful piece of Christmas ribbon that had been around Naomi's gift from Janeway.

When she looked closely, the image on the medal was that of an elf. She practically laughed out loud.

"You could've warned me, Chakotay." she playfully punched him in the shoulder. "Some best friend you are."

"We wanted it to be a surprise."

"It was that." Janeway said with a wry grin. "So, who's idea was all this?"

"Well, Naomi had already picked you as her 'historical' figure." Janeway didn't like the emphasis on 'historical', accompanied, as it was, by his cheeky grin.

"There's no need to make me feel old."

He ignored her.

"And after Santa's Cave, Naomi thought we should do something to thank you."

"I don't need thanks for doing my job."

"You do more than just do your job, Kathryn."


	2. Chapter 2

**Alpha Quadrant**

"Captain Janeway, there are still a number of your decisions that the Federation committee wants to review." The lone civilian member of the debriefing executive practically snarled his comments. It was clear he didn't like Starfleet and he didn't like her. "However, the Starfleet representatives seem satisfied with your behavior, _we_…" Janeway still had no clear idea which 'we' he was talking about. "…_we_ however, still have some issues. But, it has been a long six weeks and perhaps a break of four weeks would benefit all parties. You will then return to duty and work with the special group assigned to evaluate and investigate Voyager's findings."

Four weeks, twenty eight glorious days to begin to get her new life back to some semblance of normality.

The senator, however, hadn't finished.

"During that time we," there was that 'we' again, "we will also be referring some issues to the Federation Attorney General for consideration. I recommend you get a lawyer in that time. Any questions?"

"No sir. No questions."

And with that final bombshell, he gathered his assorted padds together and left the briefing room.

Janeway was totally unprepared for this. Nothing had been alluded to during the sessions about the possibility of her facing charges. Perhaps her month of leave would be her time to get ready for an even longer time in New Zealand. Surely though, if she was to face charges or court martial, she would have been informed as to what those charges were likely to be. What good would a lawyer be if you don't know what you're up against?

That old battle axe Admiral Janeway certainly hadn't seen this coming. The worst scenario she had related was that Chakotay and Seven would get married. Which, of course, wasn't bad, as long as they were happy. But this…

The issue of making the Maquis part of the crew was of no interest to the committee, nor was the Federation showing the slightest inclination of charging any of the Maquis. In fact, they'd all been free to leave from the moment Voyager entered orbit around Earth. Investigations into the whole Equinox saga had been perfunctory at best.

The authorities had been delighted with Torres and her debriefs had turned into practically Starfleet Engineering tutorials, with a waiting list of the brightest and best engineers getting in line to talk to her. Her future was assured. It may not be necessarily in Starfleet, but a consultancy was a distinct possibility.

Chakotay had been similarly welcomed. Even Seven of Nine was celebrated and she had been offered countless positions at every conceivable scientific institution.

The rest of the Maquis had received excellent treatment and all had been offered assistance in re-establishing their lives.

The remaining Starfleet Voyager crew had nothing but good things to report as far as their return was concerned.

No, it was Captain Kathryn Janeway who seemed to most disturb the Federation authority's equilibrium, or at least one member of the committee. And for the life of her, she couldn't understand why. The incidents that she, to this day, found the most bothersome, interested them not at all.

"Captain."

She snapped out of her reverie and to attention as Admiral Nechayev approached.

"My apologies, Admiral."

"No apologies necessary, Kathryn. Relax. Your treatment is harsh to say the least and I'm sorry."

Janeway shrugged. Really, she supposed, it could have been worse.

"Starfleet is being punished for, in hindsight, dubious decisions made during the war. The good senator has quite a burr under his saddle about preferential treatment of heroes."

"I'm no hero, Admiral."

"Kathryn, you've done the impossible, with the unlikely. Trust me, you're a hero."

Janeway gave Nechayev and uncertain glance.

"We'll do our best to not let those bastards hang you out to dry, Kathryn. But you might be in for an interesting six months or so. I'm on my way out to the Caneri Sector for a few months myself with a gaggle of brass as part of the Presidential tour of the sector, but I'll try to make sure you've got someone in your corner looking out for you."

"After the Delta Quadrant Admiral, there's not much they can do that would scare me."

"Good attitude. Anyway, you'd better be on your way. The welcome home gala starts in an hour."

Damn. An hour to get home, unwind, shower, dress and transport back to Starfleet.

"Yes, ma'am. I'll see you there."

Janeway trudged back to the transporter station. At least she would see the crew tonight. She would really like to discuss some things with Chakotay. He always had a different outlook on things and would examine the issues from another angle. He was the only one she could talk to, and the only one who would understand things from her point of view. But it was unlikely that she would be able to get even five minutes alone with him before he inevitably went off with Seven again. Somehow, she felt more alone than she had in the Delta Quadrant.

Just get through tonight, she reassured herself, and for the next four weeks, she was on leave. The rest of Voyager's crew had already started theirs. The majority had been fully debriefed and excused within three weeks. The senior staff, with the exception of Chakotay and Tuvok, had finished at the same time. Tuvok had finally been excused on the understanding that he would return when his health permitted it, and Chakotay, with Seven, had left for places unknown, or at least unknown to Janeway, just under two weeks before, returning for tonight's event.

Perhaps in a month's time she could rouse some enthusiasm to restore her career and even her reputation. At the moment, all she wanted to do was to go home, have real coffee and a long talk with her mother and sister and _sleep_. Sleep for at least a week.

But first, the gala.

* * *

At the completion of the official part of the evening, a buzz went around the Voyager crew attendees. Everyone had noticed that Janeway's valor had not being recognized as they thought it should. It almost seemed like she had been excluded. 

"Why didn't the Captain get a medal like everyone else?" Naomi asked her mother.

"I don't know sweetie, perhaps they'll have a special ceremony for her."

"They were horrible to her, Mom."

Naomi was becoming very disappointed in Starfleet. It was wonderful that so many of the crew had been promoted and awarded decorations at the ball, including her mother, but even a five year old, albeit a half Ktarian five year old, noticed that not only did Janeway not receive a medal but also did not personally get to perform the promotion of any of Voyager's officers.

Harry Kim, finally promoted, looked directly at Janeway as he was handed his new pips. He had realized that she had been, for whatever reason, frozen out of that part of the ceremony. So, on receipt of his promotion and other decorations, he had shaken hands with the presenting dignitary, saluted him and then had turned, stood at a perfect attention and had saluted Janeway. Harry had remained perfectly still, saluting, until she had risen and had returned his gesture.

And this happened as every member of the crew were either received a commendation or promoted, until finally Janeway had been ushered to the main presentation dais in order to save time, if not take an active part in the ceremony.

Samantha Wildman looked down at her daughter, who was not happy.

"Naomi, maybe the Captain's already been awarded hers, or perhaps she's been given all the medals previously."

"But Mom, that doesn't count. If you get the same medal again, you get oak leaf clumps,"

"I think it's 'clusters', honey."

"Right, _clusters_. I checked when I was doing my research and you can get more than one." The youngster couldn't believe they were treating her hero this way. "Why don't they like the Captain, Mom?"

"I don't know, Naomi."

At the table seating Tom Paris, B'Elanna Torres, Chakotay and Seven of Nine, Tom was getting increasingly angry.

"Those stuffy bastards are giving the Captain the cold shoulder."

"Cold shoulder?" asked Seven.

"Haven't you noticed that she hasn't been asked to speak or present any commendations and she didn't even get to promote Harry. Something's wrong."

His wife agreed with him. It was fairly obvious and there was a certain amount of comment already being exchanged by the crew.

"I'm sure she's still their golden girl, Tom." Said Chakotay. "She'll get something at the end of the ceremony. Kathryn Janeway always lands on her feet."

Tom scoffed at this suggestion and he and his wife were a little annoyed with Janeway's first officer. B'Elanna was rather dismayed with Chakotay's choice of girlfriend and felt something akin to betrayal at his affections toward Seven. Although, she thought she detected trouble in paradise. Chakotay was preoccupied and he and Seven were, if not exactly cool, at least a little formal with each other.

Seven however, _was_ worried. "Do you believe that the Captain may face charges?"

"I don't know Seven," said Tom kindly, thinking how ironic it was that a Borg drone was concerned for Janeway, but that her supposed best friend seemed anything but. "It just seems weird. I'll ask my dad when I get the chance."

As she moved towards her mother's table, Janeway was greeted by two admirals. One familiar, the other not.

"Kathryn, welcome home. Congratulations on a job well done." She could hear the sincerity in the voice of Admiral Jackson and was grateful for his kind words. "Let me introduce you to Admiral Queeg."

"Good evening, sir."

"Sorry about the behavior of those politicians, Kathryn, don't worry, you'll…" Jackson didn't finish the sentence as at that moment, he was called away by an aide. "Kathryn, please excuse me. It's just hopeless trying to have a decent conversation at these things. May I call you next week and invite you to lunch?"

"I'll look forward to it, sir."

Admiral Jackson moved off after giving her a warm hand shake. Janeway enjoyed the friendly moment and they seemed few and far between since she'd been home.

"So, Captain," her attention was brought back to Admiral Queeg. It was clear that he was displeased about something.

"Yes, sir?"

"I don't recognize that decoration you're wearing on your uniform."

"Oh, my," she looked down and then realized what he was talking about, "I haven't worn my dress uniform since we had a ceremony on board Voyager." She smiled at the memory. "It's a Delta Quadrant commendation awarded to me by my crew, sir. I'd forgotten…"

"It's inappropriate. Don't you have any respect for Starfleet or your uniform, Captain?"

She was left open mouthed, struggling to reply. The attack had seemed to come out of the blue. How could everything be turning out like this? She always hoped that this would be her moment of triumph, or at least one of them.

"The next time I see you Captain, make sure that you are in attired correctly."

She continued to stare at him in utter disbelief and dismay.

"I didn't hear your reply, Captain."

"Yes, sir."

He turned and left her.

* * *

During the third week of her leave, Janeway was informed that no charges would be brought against her.

The padd arrived by special delivery and the courier didn't wait for a reply. When it wasn't accompanied by security officers, she was hopeful that the contents wouldn't contain bad news.

Janeway wandered into the living room, the only room in the house with a comfortable chair, and sat down to read the accompanying memo from Admiral Queeg.

No charges, not even a demotion, but the intimation that she may be moved to the bottom of the promotions list. Lots of non specific mumbo jumbo that also inferred she'd got off easily.

Not bad compared to some of the scenarios her imagination had supplied over the last three weeks or so.

The second padd contained her orders to take effect after the completion of her leave. This was another slap on the wrist, it seemed. 'To assist in the analysis of data obtained by USS Voyager during her time in the Delta Quadrant' under the direct command of Admiral Queeg.

Assist. Well, maybe it wouldn't be too bad. Perhaps it would just be only six months in the wilderness that Nechayev had mentioned.

She sent her mother a message about the findings and put as much cheer and good humor into it as she could muster and then returned to the job of actively not doing any work on her house.

Janeway had inherited the home from Aunt Martha. A piece of sad news that had greeted her on her return. Aunt Martha had died only weeks before Voyager returned and the old woman had left her two properties to her nieces, Phoebe and Kathryn. Phoebe had taken the apartment in New York, Kathryn the house in Indiana.

Enthusiasm had gripped her at first. Renovating the beautiful old place would be good therapy and take her mind off the ongoing inquiries into her conduct. She had stripped off the old wallpaper, ripped out the kitchen, fixed floor boards and patched holes in the roof and sent some of the furniture off to be recovered or restored. Gretchen and her daughters, Phoebe had refused to be excluded, had spent days buying all they would need for the house and stored the lot in the barn in preparation for the 'final work'.

All the materials, furniture, fittings and accessories had been purchased to return the house to its former glory. Except she just couldn't rouse herself to start. Demolishing things had been therapeutic, but putting it all back together seemed beyond her. She was incapable of even selecting a paint color for the walls and ceilings. Her indecision had caused her to just purchase all white paint, with the understanding that she could return to the local traditionalists hardware store and have pigment added when she'd made her decision. It had been over two weeks, and she was no closer to selecting any type of a scheme.

Her mother repeatedly asked her why she didn't just get professional decorators in to do it all, but each time she resisted, replying that she wanted to do it herself.

The knock on the front door interrupted her almost total lack of activity.

"Chakotay! How wonderful to see you!" She grabbed his arm and dragged him inside, "How are you?"

"It's great to see you too Kathryn. I've missed you."

"Me too. I'm sorry the house is still a bit of a mess. I'm supposed to be renovating but…anyway, can I offer you something? Tea, coffee, brownies? They're home made." At his exaggerated look of alarm, she added. "Not by me. Mom made them for me."

"Coffee would be great."

"I'll have one as well. Come into what I laughingly call the living room."

They moved into the room and Janeway pushed him into the best chair. He could see her as she went into the partially demolished kitchen and got two large mugs.

Handing one to him she smiled.

"It's so good to see you." She leant forward in her chair. "Where have you been? How long are you in town? What have you been doing?"

"Whoa, so many questions. I've been just wandering around since I broke up with Seven."

"You what?" Janeway was shocked, thinking back to what the Admiral had said about them.

"Well, I guess we were just looking for different things in the Alpha Quadrant." He tugged on his ear and smiled. "Seven, I think, recognized it earlier than me. We decided to end things at the ball actually."

"Oh, Chakotay, I'm so sorry." She also thought that this explained why he had left fairly early on the night. She never did get the chance to talk to him. Janeway also made a mental note to call Seven, wondering to herself why it hadn't occurred to her to contact her before this.

"Actually, I'm fine. I was a bit off balance at first, but it makes sense now."

"I don't know what to say, Chakotay."

He merely shrugged. "So what are you doing? Renovating?" he looked around the bare room.

"I'm non-renovating. My mother is despairing of me, I'm afraid."

They laughed and then started to talk about everything and nothing.

"Anyway, Chakotay, you haven't told me what you're doing?"

"Well, I'm writing a book on some of Voyager's experiences and interactions with some of the cultures we encountered. Or should I say, I've pretty much written a book, I've just had to get a few things cleared by 'Fleet first." He put his mug down on the crate that doubled as a coffee table. "It's about 90 finished and I'm just working with the publishers now on polishing bits and pieces."

"How wonderful. Can I read it soon?"

"I'd love you to have a look at it. I'll download some of the completed chapters this afternoon for you."

"Fantastic, I'll look forward to that." She topped up his coffee "So, where are you living?"

"Nowhere settled yet. I moved out of my temporary fleet accommodation this morning actually." He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "I don't know about you, but I'm just unsettled or something. I don't want to decide on anything yet."

"Oh, how I know that feeling." She laughed. "Look, I know it's a bit rough, but how would you like to stay here? It's a bit primitive but the heating works and you know you can be relaxed around me, although I won't be around that much to get under your feet."

"Kathryn, that'd be wonderful. If you're sure I wouldn't be in the way. Why won't you be around?"

"My debriefing starts again after this weekend. They're sending me to Paris for ten days."

"Paris? You're kidding."

"If only I was. I don't really understand why, but we're to discuss the Nacene and sporocystian life forms." She sighed. "Like I'm such an _expert_. And Paris is only the beginning, I've got quite an itinerary lined up after that." She picked up the now discarded padd from the packing crate acting as a coffee table.

"At least I don't have to clean the carpets for you this time." He looked over all the bare floor boards.

"You didn't clean them last time, mister."

"I was busy being Captain, if you recall."

"Hmm, still making excuses. I see." They both laughed. She appeared to think of something. "If you move into my house we're not considered married are we?"

"Wrong tribe."

"So, you're still on leave?" Chakotay asked from the top of the ladder as he passed her the empty container to wall putty to be refilled. He was filling the cracks between the walls and the ceiling.

"Yes, I go back on Monday."

"Well, when you get a break in between Paris and wherever, I wondered if you'd consider coming with me to Trebus."

"Oh Chakotay, I'd love to but…"

He was obviously hurt by her refusal. "No problem. I understand."

"No you _don't_ understand. I can't leave Earth."

"We could take your mother with us if that's…"

"No, it's not that it's inconvenient Chakotay, it's that I'm not permitted."

"Not permitted? What do you mean not _permitted_?"

"Just that. I'm not permitted to leave Earth until the end of the…"

"You're not serious. How could they treat you this way? It's outrageous." He was so angry. She hadn't seen him this angry for a very long time.

"It's perfectly understandable, Chakotay, I was…"

"Don't. Don't you dare say that you in anyway deserve this." A dollop of putty hit her in the shoulder as he vigorously poked the spatula at her to emphasize his point. "How can any of them judge you? They have no concept of what you faced and endured to get Voyager home."

"It's not so bad, Chakotay. Really. And it's not so much Starfleet, thank goodness, it's more some Federation committee."

"Your getting hung out to dry by _civilians_?" Now he was really angry. The ladder wobbled dangerously and she grabbed it to stabilize it before he fell on top of her.

"Hey, civilians can be okay. My mother is one. Actually, _you're_ a civilian, in fact…"

"Don't change the subject."

"Look, when I start work again next week, I can ask when the restrictions will be lifted and request some more leave. Okay?"

"Okay." He gave her an attempted smile but she could tell he was still plenty angry. "You didn't get much of a break."

"I guess, strictly speaking, I'm still being debriefed."

* * *

Not counting the debriefing that followed her return, today was her first day back at work at head quarters for over seven years.

It had been horrible.

It seemed that Admiral Queeg, to whom she was now directly reporting, had fulfilled all of Janeway's misgivings. He was officious, obnoxious and it was clear that he hated her. But the kicker was that he'd informed her that she was effectively on probation.

Not that Admiral Queeg had called it that, of course. No, he'd called it "…an evaluation period of not less than six months to determine her fitness, or otherwise, to retain the rank of Captain". She had somehow expected a lot worse. Still, it shouldn't be too bad. At least she hadn't got a first hand evaluation of the facilities at New Zealand.

The thing that most unsettled Kathryn Janeway wasn't so much the fact that she was to be effectively pinned to the wall, examined and punished for every minor infraction, or _perceived_ infraction, determined by a Starfleet panel of so-called experts. No, the thing that most disturbed her equilibrium was that she didn't care.

Janeway had trouble reconciling the martinet she was working for and the man described in the Starfleet record, which she had looked up as soon as she had a desk and console.

Queeg was a career bureaucrat. He had only served in administrative areas but he was highly thought of and was certainly a friend to those officers on active service.

His record showed many commendations that he'd received from commanding officers of vessels, especially during the war, where it seemed he had gone to great lengths to ensure that those in the front line received not only all the necessary supplies but wherever he could, 'luxuries' that would've no doubt improved morale.

Promotion to admiral had occurred just before the war, and he'd used his rank to do his best for ships and their crews. Prior to the admiralty, he had served in many areas, notably diplomatic and general administration. There was certainly plenty to admire.

There was also mention of a personal tragedy, his wife had been killed during one of the Breen attacks. Perhaps this dreadful incident had affected him more than people thought.

Since the end of the war, his record did not contain much information. He seemed to be considering retirement but recently had been very active again.

Janeway's trip to Paris wasn't as bad as she'd anticipated. The fellow Starfleet officers and scientists that she'd met were friendly and open and more than eager to discuss the Caretaker and related issues. Only Admiral Queeg, who insisted that she be on a short leash, had cast a shadow over the gathering for her.

The sessions were intense and quite long, often finishing after midnight. She reflected that even though they weren't standard hours, it was generally less than she had worked on Voyager.

On the penultimate day in Paris, Admiral Queeg had, to her total surprise, permitted her to have an afternoon to herself. Following the recommendations from one of the attendees at the debriefing, she had visited the older quarter of the city, reveling in the freedom she felt. Finding herself in a charming coffee shop, she noticed the delightful pastries that they also offered.

"These look wonderful," she said to the old woman behind the counter "do you think they would survive for thirty six hours? I would like to take some home."

"I'm afraid not, but the shop next door sells personal stasis units. That would work."

"That's a wonderful idea." Janeway made to get up. "I'll get one right now."

"Sit and relax, my dear. Enjoy your coffee." Said the woman placing a small tart in front of her. "I will go and get a good one for you." She patted Janeway on the arm. "It's quiet now and it'll only take me a few seconds."

True to her word, the old woman returned with the device a few minutes later, removing the packaging as she went.

"Another coffee, my dear?"

"Yes, please. But then I'm afraid I'll have to get back to work." Janeway didn't want to run the risk of being late to her appointment with Queeg. "Your coffee is wonderful."

The woman had placed another steaming, fragrant coffee in front of Janeway and bustled away and was now carefully placing a few cakes in the stasis unit. Feeling refreshed and somewhat invigorated by the pastries and coffee, Janeway returned for her meeting with the Admiral.

* * *

Chakotay had been waiting at the transport station when she'd returned. He had been delighted by the pastries and had insisted on carrying her bags, as well as the stasis unit. She couldn't understand why he'd been in so much of a hurry to get home. Not that she minded. After ten solid days of Admiral Queeg, she was looking forward to sitting down, even if it was on a apple crate, and just talking to him for a while.

"Close your eyes." They had reached the front door of her house and he had grabbed her arm gently before she had entered the front door.

She gave him a suspicious sidelong glance but complied with the request and was then lead in the doorway.

"Okay, you can open them now."

Janeway was stunned for some time before finally being able to speak.

"You picked a color."

This was a huge understatement. He hadn't just picked a color, he had painted the whole living room and added all the furniture. There was even a fire lit in the hearth. It looked cozy and inviting and just as she had imagined it but had never quite been able to execute.

"You don't like it?"

"No, I love it. It's perfect. You're a genius." She was wandering slowly around the room, touching all the surfaces, her eyes trying to take in all the changes.

"I was inspired."

She laughed. And it wasn't until he heard her that he realized that she didn't do that very much anymore.

"It's just beautiful. I really do love it. And, I think painting and decorating a living room deserves a meal. Let me take you to dinner?"

"Sounds great."

"I'll freshen up and we'll go."

The living room looked so much better without the peeling wallpaper and with the wonderful antiques installed that she had acquired with the help of her mother. She smiled to herself as she walked down the hall into her bedroom. Dropping her bag on the bed and pulling off her jacket, she pulled out some clothes out of her dresser and made her way to the bathroom.

"Chakotay?"

"Yes."

"You did my bathroom as well?" Her voice was incredulous. "I was only gone ten days."

"I have to pay my keep some way." He had followed her down the hall to gauge her reaction and poked his head inside the door.

"You know you don't, but…It's just so…I don't know what to say." Her eyes filled with tears. "Chakotay, it's wonderful. How will I ever repay you?"

"Hey, it's only part payment on all that you've done for me."

"I've done nothing." She said it softly, almost under her breath.

"Why don't you try it out now. We can do dinner tomorrow night."

"Oh no, this deserves a celebration. I'm taking you out. I'll be ready in ten minutes."

"Aye, Captain."

Later in the evening, after finishing a wonderful meal, the couple sat savoring their final glass of wine. Both had missed this over the last few months more than anything else. It seemed like a lot longer since they'd had dinner together.

They had actually had much to say to each other. The silences hadn't been long but neither felt the need to fill them. It was a comfortable meal shared by two good friends.

* * *

"What's this trip?" Chakotay asked as he passed her another strip of wood that he had her sanding. She was a good worker and had happily taken on the role of his assistant when she was home.

"Shanghai. Hanon IV." At his raised eyebrow she added, "Starfleet's survival protocols in a harsh environment, dealing with very pre-warp cultures and why I lost control of my vessel." She blew sawdust off the wood and examined it critically. Satisfied, she put it with the others she had completed. "No, actually, I just added that last bit."

"I was wondering…" he tugged his ear.

"Wondering what?"

"Well, I'm sending the book to the editor this week,"

Janeway leant across the table and gave his hand a squeeze. "That's wonderful, Chakotay." Well, wonderful, she thought, except for the fact that it probably meant that he would be finishing it and therefore leaving, soon.

"Thanks, but I wondered if you would write a preface for it?"

"Me?" he smiled at her in a way that she always loved. "I'd be honored to do it."

"Thank you."

"How long have I got?"

"Well, it's only at the first editing stage, so a while yet. Depending on what they say, it could still be months away from publishing."

* * *

A couple of days after Janeway and Queeg had returned from China, Janeway had received news from Tom that he father, Admiral Paris, had died in his sleep while on assignment at DS4.

Tom was inconsolable, in no small part due to the completely healed relationship with his father. Janeway had been extremely upset as well but was surprised by Admiral Queeg giving her several days off to be with the family. It was when he did things of this nature that made his other behavior, especially towards Janeway, completely incomprehensible.

Most of the time she'd spent with Tom, finally sharing some of the wonderful and even some of the less than pleasant memories she had of his father. Although Tom's and Janeway's families had both been very supportive, it was with each other that they both found the most comfort. If anyone thought it was odd that the pair were, for the most part of three days, inseparable, no one said anything. Later, both Tom and Janeway realized what strength they had both drawn from the gentle but ever present support from both B'Elanna and Chakotay.

* * *

On returning to duty, just in time for the next meeting in Adelaide, Janeway had thanked Queeg sincerely for the time he had allowed her and he in turn had managed to stay reasonably agreeable for almost two days.

The trip to Adelaide was not as pleasant as the ones to Paris or Shanghai had been. The topic of issues arising out of the Equinox incident was one that Janeway found very painful, especially when she reflected on her behavior during that time. So far, this briefing session had gone for over twelve days and Janeway was feeling exhausted and homesick for Indiana in a way that she never did when in the Delta Quadrant.

It was almost as harrowing to relive the experience as was the original incident. As the panel asked endless questions about her actions and orders during this time, she answered mechanically, trying to tamp down the burning shame she felt when she remembered her behavior in that time.

One of the things she found most distressing was that reliving the incident reminded her that her relationship with Chakotay had never really been the same after the Equinox. The result of her appalling treatment of Lessing seemed to have severed the last thread of their friendship on the ship.

It was comforting to know that the rift between them had been somewhat mended. Since he had moved into her home they seemed to have recaptured some of the camaraderie of old times, though she thought that he would probably never fully trust her again and she honestly couldn't blame him for that.

Another question about Captain Ransom bought her back to the present for only a short time before she again began to reflect on how it seemed, in retrospect, that the times she had most almost lead Voyager to disaster were the times when she had pushed Chakotay away, in both her professional and personal life.

Thinking of Chakotay made her realize that happily, there was only one more day here before she would be returning home, but also that it meant that if she was to find some kind of dessert from him, she would have to do it this afternoon. After the amazing work he'd done on her house during her trip to Paris and Shanghai, she figured she owed him some kind of treat.

* * *

Janeway was finally animated about something, reflected Chakotay. She was excited as he'd ever seen her about Harry's wedding, especially as Harry and Patty had asked her to officiate. He suspected that she was delighted to be seeing a lot of the crew at the event as well.

At first she had been apprehensive about Admiral Queeg's reaction, but if she had been surprised by his kindness during the terrible time after Admiral Paris' death, then she was staggered at his reaction six weeks later. Queeg seemed to be delighted for her to be performing the ceremony, even going as far as referring her to his tailor for her dress uniform.

The wedding and reception was being held at one of the smaller Starfleet function centers. Voyager's crew, with the exception of her Captain, seemed to have special cachet with the Federation in general and Starfleet in particular and the center was made available to Harry and his family.

Janeway and Chakotay had spent a little time with the guests before the ceremony, taking the opportunity to greet members of the crew. All of the senior staff had come, as well as about twenty to thirty other crew, mainly Harry's friends from Gamma shift.

At first, Janeway had been worried that Chakotay would be upset seeing Seven so soon after their break up, but when she had quietly moved next to him and surreptitiously grasped his hand that he held behind his back, he had given her a reassuring smile and said "I'm fine, thank you, Kathryn." and given her hand a squeeze before letting it go.

"I'll just go see how Harry is going, it's about time to get things started, I think."

"Captain on deck!" announced Tom and then wolf whistled. "And a pretty sensational captain at that, if I may say so ma'am." He leant down and kissed her on the cheek. "You look stunning in the new dress uniform, Captain."

"And you Tom, are an irrepressible flirt, and you're supposed to be calling me Kathryn nowadays." Despite her words, she hugged him back. "You scrub up fairly well yourself. Nice tux. But where's our man and how is he doing?"

"He's ready for the happiest day of his life, Captain." Harry appeared. He did look ready and had the air about him of someone who was sure he was doing the right thing.

"Wonderful, Harry." She hugged him and then held him at arms length, as if to check his uniform. "You look more than ready to me, Harry." She glanced at the clock on the wall. "Two minutes, gentlemen. I'll see you out there."

It had been a wonderful ceremony and a lovely celebration afterwards.

Janeway had received many complements on her appearance, as had Chakotay, who was off dancing with one of the Delaney sisters.

"I got the outfits made at the same tailor actually. Chakotay's tuxedo is a thing of beauty. He looks sensational in black, don't you think?"

"You bought Chakotay's clothes?" asked B'Elanna, amused.

"Well, it was only fair as Chakotay organized Harry and Patty's gift."

"You bought Chakotay's clothes and he bought a gift from you both?" asked Tom, attempting to clarify the situation.

Janeway nodded absently and waved to someone across the room.

"I've just spotted Mortimer, I'll just go and say hello. I'll be back soon."

"They're living in the same house. Her house, that he's renovating. She buys his clothes and he buys gifts from them both." Tom shook his head. "Nooo, they're not in a relationship at all. Why would anyone think that?"

"I asked Chakotay flat out and he said they weren't. He even laughed at the suggestion." B'Elanna sighed. "Look at the way he looks at her." They both observed as Chakotay's gaze followed Janeway across the room. "He never looked at Seven that way."

"They're both nuts."

"Yep." His wife sadly nodded her agreement. "I'm afraid so. It's such a shame."

Janeway was still basking in a happy glow after the wedding on the weekend when she returned to work. She had intended to thank Queeg for his recommendation but hadn't had the chance.

His good humor had totally evaporated and he had severely taken her to task over the formatting of her report on Voyager's visit to the demon planet that she'd submitted the previous week. He had attacked her before she'd even put her brief case down next to her desk.

Gloom descended once more on Janeway's Starfleet activities.


	3. Chapter 3

She called him often while she was away. Sometimes every night. They never talked about whatever it was that she was working on.

It was always about the crew, how big Miral was getting or the latest practical joke Tom and B'Elanna had played on Harry, and how even Patty was in on it all.

Janeway would ask Chakotay about the progress of his book and he would evade the question and instead tell her outrageous stories about the renovations he was doing, which always included some disaster, such as a collapsing wall or the loss of her prized coffee maker.

He never failed to make her laugh or least feel better.

* * *

Janeway was under the sink, holding a pipe in place on the instructions of Chakotay, who was swearing quietly as he adjusted something plumbing related in the wall.

"Chakotay, can I ask you a huge favor?"

"Of course."

"Can I name you as next of kin on my Starfleet records?"

"Of course you can." He peered down into the cupboard where she was sitting and laughed at her serious face. "Do you think your debriefing is going to be especially dangerous?"

"Not particularly." She laughed too. "It's just that if anything did happen to me, I'd rather have a family member tell my mom. She got some idiot from Operations when Voyager was lost and it made it that much harder." Her face had a serious expression again. "I know it's a lot to ask, but I'd really appreciate knowing that you'd be with her if…well, _you know_."

Chakotay thought back to that horrible day when 'some idiot from Operations' had given him similar news. It was interesting to ponder where he would be now if a trained counselor had been the one to tell him about his parents. Maybe nothing would've changed. Maybe they would. He would never know. But he understood what she meant.

"Kathryn, I would be honored." He attempted to get the mood a little less serious. "Of course, you're under my orders not to let anything happen to you."

"Yes, sir!"

"And don't let that go, or your kitchen will be filled with gunk."

"Yes, sir!"

* * *

"How do you like it?"

"It's just lovely, very earthy, and very you."

A small frown appeared on his brow.

"But you like it? It's your office, it's not supposed to be for me."

"Why the hell not? It's your room too." She looked around again. "But I do love it, especially the floor. This is a much better place for this rug."

Chakotay smiled. Janeway had wonderful taste and all the items that she'd bought had been just perfect, but except for the appliances and the bathtub, he hadn't really put any of them in the rooms she or her mother had envisioned. Although he suspected that Gretchen had just initiated the shopping expedition as a bit of 'retail therapy' to get her daughter interested in _something_.

When she came home from her 'conferences' and saw what he'd done or started since she had been away, she would seem to come alive for a time. They would invariably go to dinner some place quiet and out of the way, but when she had to go again, she would become quiet and almost morose, yet always insisting that she was fine.

Chakotay had agreed to come to Gretchen's house for Christmas. Apparently, the event was quite a Janeway institution, held over at least two days and he found himself looking forward to it, not the least because Kathryn seemed not to be able to wait for it to arrive either.

When he received the comm call from his sister letting him know when she was finally returning to Earth after a working trip off planet with her husband, neither of them had realized the significance of the date.

"Kathryn, I think I might have to miss Christmas at your Mom's." He was surprised at how disappointed he was, despite the prospect of seeing his sister for the first time since Voyager's return. "Sekaya and Dave will be returning then and…"

"Wonderful!" Janeway interrupted, "Invite them to the house. They'll be more than welcome and Christmas is a time for family, Chakotay. It'll be great and everyone can meet them." Chakotay looked uncertain but she could tell the idea appealed to him. "Please Chakotay? Then, afterwards, bring them back here. I'll be off to Moscow on the 27th and you can have them all to yourself. Please?"

When could he ever deny her any wish, he reflected? There was nothing more convincing than a wheedling starship captain.

"Well, if you're sure…"

"Fantastic! You're going to love Christmas, I promise. You wait!"

"Don't let that go!" She had been holding one end of a tape measure, Chakotay holding the other, while he made, to Janeway's mind, endless measurements.

"You're awfully bossy, and I didn't let it go."

"Well, concentrate on the job unless you want all your books leaning off to the left."

"Is it time for coffee yet?"

He took the pencil out from behind his ear and made a minute mark on the wall.

"We only started a minute ago. When did 'never rest Janeway' become so lazy?"

"When she got access to endless fresh coffee. Can I move now?"

"Yes, move it down to the next line on the wall and hold it still."

She sighed loudly but did as she was told.

* * *

Chakotay pushed the coffee pot towards Janeway at the breakfast table.

"Where to this time?"

"Moscow. We're apparently discussing the Borg and Species 8472." She toyed with her napkin. "They never seem to come right out and say that I screwed up, but it sure as hell was the feeling I got from Admiral Queeg."

"How long will you be away?"

"Probably more than a week. At least they let me go to the local research facilities. Those people are happy to see me and even have intelligent questions."

"Any idea when you'll be permitted to leave Earth?"

"Not yet, sorry." She sighed. "Chakotay, why don't you go without me? You can't put your life on hold forever. You've got time before Christmas."

"No. I'm waiting until you can come with me. I don't want to go alone."

* * *

Despite the fact that she would be returning home the next day, Janeway felt the need to contact Chakotay.

Queeg had taken exception with her leaving the hotel after the final official session, despite previously giving her permission. He had made her stand at attention for over thirty minutes during their usual 'one on one' talk at the end of the day.

As Janeway had a serious headache and needed cheering up, she made the call home without even thinking.

She smiled as his face appeared on the vid unit, although she was a bit shocked by his appearance.

"Chakotay, what's in your hair?"

His eyes looked up.

"Ah, that'd be feathers." He picked a few out and gave his head a shake.

A familiar voice could be heard in the background and then Phoebe's face appeared next to Chakotay's.

"Hi, Sis." Phoebe turned to Chakotay, who was rubbing behind his ear to remove another feather. Phoebe laughed as she put her chin on Chakotay's shoulder and blew a feather off his head. "I thought native Americans liked to wear feathers."

"Wrong tribe."

Janeway couldn't really understand what was happening and was trying to tamp down the feeling of intense jealousy she was experiencing. What was Phoebe doing there?

"Phoebe's helping with some of the work around the house, Kathryn. Unfortunately, she found that old pillow in the hall cupboard."

"Hey, I'm helping too." Came the disembodied voice of Mike Ayala. "Hi, Captain!"

"Oh, hi Mike." Was all Janeway managed, now feeling just as confused but not quite as jealous. Was Ayala there with Phoebe?

At that moment, a slightly deflated pillow hit Chakotay over the head, filling the screen with what looked like a snow storm.

"We'll see you tomorrow won't we?" he said as part of his face became visible through the blizzard.

Janeway nodded.

"Well, I should sign off because I'm going to have to go and kill your sister now, Kathryn."

"Be my guest."

* * *

He was waiting for her at the front door. With a spoon. This had been her fourth trip away and Chakotay had obviously spotted the sweet pattern that had emerged on her return.

"What did you bring me?"

She held out the stasis box and then snatched it back suddenly.

"Quid pro quo," she laughed "what have you got for _me_?"

"A new bedroom?"

"Deal!" and she handed the unit to him.

Janeway rushed inside the house to the first bedroom. Nothing had changed. She shot him a suspicious look and proceeded to his bedroom. Just the same, although she'd only been in once or twice since he'd moved in.

Only one bedroom left. Hers. The door was closed. She turned to see him smiling, albeit a bit nervously.

"If there's leopard skin in there Chakotay, the pudding is revoked."

"Trust me."

Of course, she did. All joking aside, she knew it was going to be something she'd love. She opened the door wide with one quick motion.

It was more than beautiful, it was breathtaking.

If she had to describe the decor, she would've said a 'beach theme', but that wouldn't do it justice. The walls were a neutral color with maybe a bare hint of blue. The bed was the enormous one she had bought as almost an afterthought on one of the shopping jaunts. Once they'd got it to the barn, she had realized how big it was and hadn't thought about using it since.

The pillows, large and luxurious, had hand embroidered slips on them of blues and greens. The quilt was another hand crafted work of art, the design looked like Phoebe's style but the construction was all her mother. It was soft and inviting when she ran her hand over it.

The rest of the furniture was some of Aunt Martha's antique chest of drawers, dresser and wardrobe.

Despite the furniture, the room was light and airy and was a study of tranquility. There were a few photos here and there, but not one piece of technology, Starfleet or otherwise, was present.

Janeway thought it the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen.

Chakotay's communicator pin chirped.

"Chakotay here."

"_Hello darling_." It was Gretchen. "_Is she home yet?_" her mother sounded excited.

"Kathryn's with me now. I've got her in the bedroom."

"_That's the best news I've had in months_." Chakotay and Janeway gave each other quizzical glances. "_How does she like it?_"

"She hasn't managed to speak yet."

"_Oh_." There was a slight pause. "_Do you think good or bad mute?_"

"Mom, I love it. It's…I can't tell you how much."

"_It's from all of us sweetie_."

"I just did the heavy lifting." Chakotay added.

"_Don't listen to him, dear. He makes a great Janeway. Phoebe says he's got 'the eye'_, _whatever that means_."

Janeway was still moving around the room, feeling the textures of the quilt, breathing in the scent of the wonderful pot pouri on the dresser.

"I should have brought you extra sambouk."

* * *

Chakotay realized that Kathryn was right about Christmas and how Sekaya and Dave would fit in. They were instantly accepted into the Voyager/Janeway family and Sekaya had assured him that she and Dave were having a wonderful time. Gretchen had greeted them in exactly the way she had with him.

In fact, Sekaya had almost immediately been 'stolen' by B'Elanna and Patty and Chakotay was sure that he was the reason the three of them were laughing so hard. Dave also seemed to be enjoying himself, discussing something or other with Harry and Tom.

Janeway made her way to the center table and placed the plate in the one available spot. The table was groaning under the weight of all the delicacies her mother had prepared.

This was like a Christmas from her childhood. Lots of guests, all family or very close friends, arriving Christmas Eve and staying for at least Christmas Day and sometimes longer.

She had loved every part of it when she was younger, even having to share a bed with Phoebe to make room for everyone had been tolerable if it meant having her father home and all the wonderful people around for two days.

There would be delicious food, great conversation, a huge snow fight involving the young and young at heart and the magical morning of exchanging gifts.

This year, her mother had suggested she invite her senior staff and Janeway readily agreed. When Harry happened to mention that some of the others that were still on Earth but had no family, Phoebe and Gretchen agreed it would be wonderful to have them as well.

"This house is happiest when it's full." said Gretchen.

And so, the result was this group.

Janeway had been delighted that Seven had been able to attend, bringing with her Rodney, whom she'd met somehow two months ago and had been with since.

Rodney never seemed to be at work but was always presenting papers at various scientific conferences around the quadrant. His specialization was ecology and he seemed to spend a great deal of time camping in various wildernesses, even though someone had mentioned that they seemed to be usually warm subtropical types of environments, regardless of the planet he was studying. It was, Tom remarked, the perfect job. The pair seemed to be having enormous fun and Seven hadn't shown the slightest inclination in accepting any of the research positions offered her, declaring them 'irrelevant'. She was perfectly content traveling around with Rodney and helping him with his research or preparing his papers. Her aunt had been delighted by her apparently sudden onset of indolence.

Rodney wasn't the slightest bit phased being among such celebrity and had enjoyed his discussion about music with Harry and the Doctor.

"What is going on with you two anyway?"

"What do you mean, Phoebe?"

Phoebe just stared at her sister and put her hands on her hips, obviously waiting for another answer.

"Oh, I see," Janeway considered before she answered. "We're just friends."

Phoebe kept exactly the same pose, only moving her left eyebrow upwards.

"Okay, there _used_ to be a certain chemistry between us…"

"Used to be?"

"…but he doesn't feel for me that way anymore. We're best friends."

Phoebe started at her sister with undisguised incredulity. Her eyebrow ratcheted another notch upwards.

"You can't be serious, Kathryn. He _adores_ you."

"Of course he does and I adore him. I'm his best friend."

"Best friend and idiot."

"Look…"

"No, _you_ look. You're not seeing what's in front of your face. Hell, how can you live with him and not see it?"

"I'm not 'living with him', we're sharing a house."

The derisive noise Phoebe made indicated that she didn't see the distinction.

"Aren't you supposed to be smart?"

Janeway was spared having to retort by their mother entering the room.

"Don't you two ever stop bickering? _Kathryn_!"

Janeway snatched her hand back quickly from one of the plates of finger food on the kitchen bench.

"Don't touch the food. People have got to eat it." Gretchen spied the smug smirk of her younger daughter's face. "And Phoebe, can you stop picking on your sister long enough to entertain some guests?" Gretchen handed both of them plates of food to carry out to the living room and shooed them out of the kitchen. "Both of you, scat!"

Janeway loved 'bickering' with Phoebe. In fact she was the happiest she could remember being since Voyager's got home.

When in the Delta Quadrant, she would often have nightmares about returning to Earth only to have the Maquis arrested and to find her mother and sister dead. She would wake up drenched in sweat and be almost physically ill afterwards. The dream was always so vivid and would haunt her for days.

But when she fantasized about the return, it was like today. In her family home with all her loved ones; both her 'real' and Voyager families.

She stood at the living room doorway, just drinking in the wonderful sight.

Phoebe was now flirting in a big way with Mike Ayala. Now that she thought about it, they made a striking couple. Phoebe couldn't do better.

Sekaya and Dave were talking with Chakotay who was holding a sleeping Miral. He looked so peaceful and comfortable with her in his arms. They were all laughing at Harry, who was doing his level best to look indignant but was failing. Even Patty seemed to be joining in on the joke at Harry's expense. Tom and B'Elanna were chatting quietly with Seven, who made some kind of a comment to Rodney as he joined them, causing them all to laugh. Everyone looked so content.

Across the room, closer to the open fire, the Doctor was very animated, describing something dramatically to Celes, who was laughing hard. Billy Telfer was sitting on the floor at Celes' feet chatting with Ken Dalby and Mariah Henley about, of all things, the Federation hoverball championships that were about to start the following week.

As Tom reached over to Chakotay to take Miral, Sekaya moved to speak with Seven. Rodney was now doing magic tricks with a pack of cards after telling Sekaya's fortune with them and even Seven was laughing along with the small group.

"Kathryn, what the hell are you doing? People want to eat that food you know?"

"Oh, sorry Mom."

As she made to move off, her mother touched her gently on the arm.

"Are you okay, honey?"

"Actually Mom, I was just thinking how very okay I am."

"We're all blessed, Kathryn." and she kissed her daughter's cheek.

* * *

Janeway and Chakotay were sitting on the sofa, sharing a plate of her mother's shortbread and drinking coffee.

"Look at those two." Janeway gave him a nudge.

"Who?"

"Phoebe and Mike."

Chakotay looked in the direction of the couple. They were sitting closely on the floor and they had nabbed themselves a plate full of finger food that Gretchen had prepared.

Phoebe seemed to be explaining what each was and Mike was sampling the fare.

"They look like they're having fun." He said, looking back at Janeway.

"Phoebe's in love." said Janeway with a smug smile, leaning back on the sofa with her arms crossed. "She's so transparent."

"You think?" Chakotay taking a closer look and wondering how her mother would feel about that.

"Oh yes." She gave the couple another speculative glance "They'll be perfect together. He's so steady and reliable and she's so…so…so very _Phoebe_."

Janeway contemplated his uncertain look and then whispered sharply, "Did you think I wouldn't 'approve'?" her tone was incredulous.

"Well, Kathryn, although the Maquis weren't prosecuted…" she cut him off before he finished the sentence.

"_Do not_ even think that, Chakotay. There is not one Maquis who I am not proud to know and honored to call a friend. And Mike, of all people. Chakotay, really." She made it clear that she was completely serious. Shaking her head and smiling, "Of all people Chakotay, she couldn't do better than Mike."

Janeway studied his face. He was relieved, she could see.

"Don't tell me you thought that about _yourself_?"

"Well, Kathryn, I was a criminal…"

"You were _not_ a criminal Chakotay, you were a freedom fighter!" At his uncertain look, she was suddenly almost angry. "I don't believe you!" a few heads turned in their direction and then discreetly went back to what they were doing. "Don't you ever let that thought in your head again or I swear, Chakotay, I'll take a swing at you.

They resumed their observing of Phoebe and Mike but Janeway continued to mutter under her breath. Chakotay thought that he caught "unbelievable" and "idiot". He felt like a wonderful idiot.

* * *

Janeway sat in front of the open fire, content and relaxed, as her mother organized the rooms for all their guests. She smiled knowingly to herself when she realized that Phoebe and Ayala would be sharing her room. The two had made their way to bed some time earlier.

As the last of the visitors made their weary way to their beds, a thought suddenly occurred to her.

"Mom, where's Chakotay sleeping?" she had, up until this moment assumed that she would be sharing with Phoebe, but…

"He'll have to stay with you, Kathryn." At her daughter's rather startled look, she added, "Well, it's too late to wake up Mike and Phoebe and rearrange everyone. Is it going to be a problem for you?"

Her mother looked extremely tired after the busy and long day. Janeway didn't have the heart to complain any further.

"No, ma'am. Does Chakotay know?"

At that moment, the subject of their discussion entered the living room.

"Here he is," said Gretchen, turning to Chakotay. "Darling, you don't mind bunking in with Kathryn in the nursery, do you? It's the only room left. I seem to have made a bit of a snafu with the sleeping arrangements."

Chakotay looked a bit alarmed but then smiled. "No, of course not." He'd never been in the nursery, but he envisaged collapsible cots, for some reason. A crease in his spine was a small price to pay for such a wonderful couple of days. "If it's okay with Kathryn, it's fine with me."

"Sure, no problem, Mom."

"Gretchen, you're out on your feet. You should be in bed."

"I'm on my way now." She kissed both on the cheek. "I'll see you both in the morning after Santa's been. Your bag is in the room, Chakotay." And with that, she left them.

"Well, if you're ready, I am." Janeway got to her feet. "Christmas is a wonderful time, but very tiring."

They made their way up the stairs.

"At least this Christmas you don't have to bounce around the torpedo room."

"Hey, that's right." She turned and grinned to him. "On the down side though, I'm no longer elf in chief."

They both laughed quietly.

"This is the room." Janeway opened the door and held out her arm and motioned him inside.

The first thing Chakotay noticed was the double bed.

"You take this bathroom," she indicated a door on the other side of the room "and I'll use the main one." She went to a large chest of drawers and took out some items. "I'll be back in a minute."

And she was gone. Chakotay couldn't believe it. He moved to his bag and got out his things and moved to the bathroom.

When he came out, she was already in bed.

"Do you care what side you have, Chakotay?"

"Um, no. Whichever."

"Good, well I'm beat. Goodnight Chakotay." She rolled over and was still.

* * *

It took Chakotay several seconds after he'd woken up to remember where he was. Indiana. Christmas. _Right_.

He'd thought it was odd that he had been cold when he'd first went to bed. The rest of the house had been so warm and snug. He was warm enough now.

It was another few seconds before he realized why he was no longer feeling the cold.

Kathryn Janeway was practically lying on top of him. He couldn't believe he finally had the woman of his dreams in his arms and he'd almost slept through the whole thing. Of course now he was rather acutely aware of her presence. She was tucked into his side and had one leg over his. Somehow his arm had gone sort of around her and her head was on his shoulder. He could feel her breath against his throat. How the hell had this not woken him up sooner?

Wait a minute.

Back up.

_Woman of his dreams_? No, no, no. This couldn't be happening again. It had to be a couple of years since he'd thought of her in this way, but now, he was completely unsure.

It wouldn't be so bad (or good, he thought) but it seemed that Janeway was what his mother always called a 'snuggler'. She was burrowed into his side so far that even he wasn't sure where she ended and he started. But it sure was nice, just being close like this. Her hair smelled even better close up.

He stuck his free hand out from underneath the blankets and noticed that the room seemed warmer than it did last night. At that moment, Janeway mumbled something in her sleep and rolled over. Though she was still touching him, his arm had been freed up and allowed him to get out of the bed.

The movement woke up his bed partner, though she seemed unaware of their previous proximity.

"Good morning." She croaked.

"Morning!" his reply was just a bit too hearty but she didn't seem to think anything was amiss.

"Should've known you'd be a disgustingly cheerful morning person." She replied while sitting up and swinging her legs over the side of the bed. He couldn't help but notice that her eyes were still closed as she rubbed her hands over her face. He also couldn't miss her bare legs sticking out underneath the slinky, but short, night dress.

He certainly had plenty to think about today.

* * *

"Chakotay, did you sleep well?"

"Yes, thank you Gretchen, considering I woke up with Kathryn on top of me." Chakotay had largely recovered from his awakening this morning and was helping himself to coffee.

"Hey, it was not my fault. For some reason, there was only a summer blanket on the bed. I must've got cold during the night."

Gretchen and Phoebe exchanged exasperated glances.

"Really?" replied Gretchen in a weak voice "Imagine that."

"How come the heating was turned down last night anyway, Mom?"

Gretchen was spared trying to come up with an answer as the rest of their guests made their way into the kitchen. Meanwhile, Janeway and Chakotay had gathered their breakfasts and were making their way to the dining room.

"Mom, they're unbelievable." Phoebe was exasperated.

"Well, yes. But I haven't given up."

"Really? What's your plan?"

"I'm giving Chakotay the brownie recipe."

"Ooh, nice move."

"I thought so." Phoebe checked to see who might be close and then whispered to her mother, "Sekaya wanted to know what was going on with them as well."

"What did you tell her?"

"I said I thought they were both mentally unstable. She agreed and she's going to start working on _him_ while Kathryn is in Lima."

"Excellent. We can always use reinforcements."

"I'm thinking of going for the big guns as well."

"What could be bigger than brownies, sharing a house or no blanket & heating in winter?"

Phoebe looked triumphant "I'm going to suggest he buy her a _puppy_."

Her mother gave her an admiring glance.

"Phoebe," she smiled "a master stroke. You were always such a clever child."

* * *

Janeway's eyes followed the sound of joyful laughter back to Tom, B'Elanna and Chakotay. Tom and B'Elanna were looking intently at Miral, but Chakotay glanced up in her direction and gave her a wink and smiled, then his attention was dragged back to the baby and her parents who were asking him a question.

With that wink, something changed in Janeway. At first she struggled to recognize the feeling.

Oh god. Phoebe was right. Well, Phoebe was sort of right. Chakotay may not have romantic feelings about her anymore, but she sure as hell just realized that she still had them about him.

The knowledge shocked her. How could this be so? Hadn't she got past all this years ago? All it had taken had been him winking at her? She must be nuts, he'd been living with her for months and suddenly all it had taken was a _wink_?

Tom's voice brought her back to the present.

"No really, Gretchen. We should get back this morning. The Paris clan are rendezvousing in San Francisco and my mother wants Miral there nice and early for the present opening frenzy."

Someone brushing against her side bought her mind back to what was going on around her. Phoebe was sitting with Mike, leaning against his knee. Harry and Patty were looking through an album of photos of the Janeway sisters at various stages in their lives. The Doctor and Celes were looking over their shoulders and the Doctor was making pithy comments about the images they were seeing. Sekaya and Dave were talking quietly to Seven and Rodney about something. Billy and Ken Dalby were still discussing hoverball.

As she moved back into the living room, Janeway realized that with the Paris' gone, she wouldn't need to share a bed with Chakotay tonight. All of sudden it was all she wanted to do.

"Kathryn?"

"Hmm?"

Chakotay was looking at her with some concern.

"Are you okay? Your face just went all sad."

"I'm fine. I was just thinking of something from work."

"Are you sure?"

"Quite sure."

* * *

"Kathryn!"

"Yes?"

"Can I get a little help, please?"

Janeway followed the sound of his voice and discovered him in the corner of her pantry looking towards the doorway with an extremely nervous look on his face.

"Are you all right?"

"No." He looked embarrassed and scared at the same time. "Can you get rid of that thing, please?"

She peered around the room, mystified as to what the problem was.

"Um, what thing?"

"The spider." He shuddered. "Can you put it outside? Please?"

"You're kidding me, right?"

"No." His eyes hadn't moved from the spider.

"I thought you lived in touch with the natural environment on Trebus?" She left him for a few moments while she retrieved a piece of paper from a drawer.

"Wrong tribe…and besides, we had _mega-fauna_. Not nasty little insects with hairy legs that sting."

He watched her as she expertly scooped the spider into a jar using the paper.

"Arachnids." Replied Janeway over her shoulder as she opened the back door and dropped the creature outside. "Spiders aren't insects. They don't sting, they bite."

"Oh sorry, I forgot they were your _subjects_."

"Careful mister, or I'll tell Phoebe about your little problem with creepy crawlies and your life will henceforth be a permanent misery."

"Kathryn, my queen," he took her hand and kissed it "you saved me from the spider monster. My life is now yours."

"That's more like it." She made a dramatic sigh. "I'm not hard to get along with, as long as I have the total adoration of all around me."

They both laughed as he picked up his now spider-free equipment and gave the shelving a final wipe down.

"All done. So, Captain Arachnia, how about coffee and some of your mother's brownies?"

"That works too."


	4. Chapter 4

Chakotay expected Janeway home at any moment. This trip, supposedly the final one, had taken her to Lima to discuss Unimatrix Zero and the subsequent assimilation of herself, B'Elanna and Tuvok, by the Borg.

Needing to just put the finishing touches on the back yard gate, he checked the hinge one last time and started to pick up his tools. He hoped that she'd be happy with the latest upgrades, which included the fence and gate. Examining his handiwork once more, his thoughts strayed, as they so often did, to the owner of the home he was busy rebuilding.

He was getting increasingly concerned with her state of mind with each passing week and each pointless talk-fest that she was made to attend.

She certainly hadn't been like this in the Delta Quadrant. She was so quiet. Not like what she'd gone through in the Void, but she lacked that Janeway spark. Or _something_.

He had even gone so far as to check with Gretchen if this was her 'normal' persona, when not stranded 70,000 light years from home. He was both relieved and alarmed that Gretchen felt the same way. It was like the joy had been stolen from Kathryn Janeway. And she was losing more and more of herself with each passing day.

When Gretchen confided in him that her daughter had intimated that she might be considering retirement, Chakotay was truly alarmed.

"Chakotay? Are you there?" Her voice bought him out of his reverie. He walked around to the front door and joined her in the living room.

"Kathryn, welcome home. I didn't hear you come in." He gave her a bright smile. "What did you bring me?"

Janeway did laugh this time. She had begun their new 'tradition' with her first trip to Paris. During a break in whatever proceedings she was attending, she would slip out, and after getting inside information from a local, seek out a patisserie or cake shop and buy him something sweet. She had discovered that, if it had plenty of sugar in it, he was likely to be delighted with whatever treat she brought back. So far, she had bought him pastries from Paris, mango pudding from Shanghai, sambouk from Moscow and his favorite so far, the meringue from Australia.

After he'd helped with her bags, he ushered her into the kitchen for coffee and to consume the inevitable treat she had bought home.

"Chakotay! My gosh! Look at this kitchen. It's marvelous. Just how I imagined it, even down to the replicator it's…"

"Don't change the subject, where is it?"

"In the bag on the dining table." She was peering into cupboards and running her hand across the bench tops "Oh, this is wonderful, has Mom seen it?" He was very quiet suddenly. She couldn't see him, but she knew there was something very wrong. "Chakotay?" She followed him back to the dining room.

He was crying. She had only seen him cry once in all the time she had known him and it scared her.

"Chakotay? What is it? Are you OK?" Instinctively, she put her arm around his shoulders.

He was staring at the dessert in the stasis container. The lid was off and he was standing very still, just closely examining the contents.

"Kathryn, do you know what this is?"

Oh, dear, was there a correct answer to this question? It was obvious from his reaction that the food had some kind of significance for him, but whether it was good or bad, she couldn't yet tell.

"Um, some kind of cornmeal pudding. I wasn't sure if it was still OK, it's seemed to have separated in the…"

"It's exactly right. _Exactly_. My mother used to make this. I haven't tasted it for over ten years. She only made it for special occasions."

"I'm sorry Chakotay. I didn't mean to upset…"

"Kathryn, I'm not upset. Not really. This is wonderful." She followed him back to the kitchen. He put the container down on the main bench. "Let me get a spoon and taste it."

Janeway watched with some trepidation as he returned with two spoons and handed her one. He hadn't taken his eyes off the stasis container. She hadn't taken her eyes off _him_.

"It's usually served warm, with cream if we had it, but I can't wait to heat it up." He plunged the spoon inside the container and scooped out a small amount. She held her breath when he put it in his mouth. His eyes closed but his expression didn't change.

Finally, he spoke.

"It's the same. I never thought I'd ever taste that again for some reason. Thank you, Kathryn." He wiped the tears away from his cheek with one hand and put the spoon in again with the other. "Want some?"

"It's all yours, Chakotay."

"My mother used to say you could taste the sunshine in the corn."

He was licking the second lot off the spoon. Janeway made a mental note to contact the technician who had directed her to the vendor where she had purchased the pudding. If it was possible, she would get the recipe for this and give it to her mother.

"I'll keep the rest. We'll have some for dessert tonight and replicate some cream."

"Sounds great." Again her gaze returned to the sparkling new kitchen. "Chakotay have you done any work at all on your book?"

"Oh, it's finished. Sent it to the publishers last week. Day after you left." He'd put the lid back on his treat and was now seated on one of the stools and was just staring at it.

"You're finished? Really? When did you find the time?"

"Most of it was already done when we got home. It only needed a bit added for the last couple of weeks before the Admiral arrived, some polishing and it was done. It's with the editor now."

"What will you do once it's published?"

"I thought I'd re-do your office. I'm not happy with the orientation of the desk. And the laundry and fresher still need a few more touches."

"No, I mean it, Chakotay. What will you do next?"

Not that she really wanted to know. The thought that most disturbed her now was that he would leave. Every now and then she contemplated him moving off-planet and it made her feel hollow just thinking about it. Ever since she had woken up next to him at Christmas, all she could think about was that happening every day. Having him stay in her house was enough to keep her going.

"Well, when you're back in circulation, I'd like to visit Trebus." Somehow Janeway had managed to make a pot of coffee while he'd been admiring his latest gift, he turned the mug around in his hands. "Not sure about anything else. I guess it depends on how the book goes. You'll come with me? To Trebus, I mean."

"Of course. I'd be honored. You know that."

* * *

A couple of days after they'd returned from Lima, Admiral Queeg had taken Janeway aside and informed her that they would be leaving on a two week mission aboard The Chomsky, a small, short range diplomatic vessel.

"What's the mission, sir?" She'd asked him, wondering what they could be possibly doing that would require her presence.

"Your mission is to follow orders for a change, Janeway." He sneered at her. "Do you think you'll be able to manage that?"

"Yes, sir." It was all she could do not to sigh out loud. It was also perhaps the first time in her life that a space mission didn't excite her.

It was days like this, when the Admiral was on the warpath, that Janeway reconsidered her long term future with Starfleet.

The regional debriefings, now complete, had been quite enjoyable on the whole, except for Admiral Queeg's presence at them. She had also noticed that he seemed to get more and more antagonistic to her as the weeks and months had passed.

Janeway shared the news with Chakotay as soon as she'd got home.

"Well, I guess at least this means I'm permitted off planet now."

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she regretted them. Chakotay had taken her 'don't leave Earth' requirement much harder than she had. Except for the inability to accompany Chakotay to Trebus, the restriction hadn't really bothered her. It had bothered Chakotay enormously. He was guaranteed to get angry when it was mentioned.

"It's a damned disgrace the way you've been treated Kathryn." He realized that this argument was not between them. "Sorry, it always pushes my buttons."

"Anyway, at least the mission's short and sweet. More of a training exercise, judging by the crew manifest."

Janeway threw the padd with the staffing levels to him and he quickly scanned the contents.

"What the hell are they thinking? There's hardly an officer that's been out of the Academy for more than five minutes. Have you been demoted from Captain to den mother?"

"Seems that way, but Captain Martin is a first class officer. I've known him since I was in the Academy myself. He was in the year before me. Horatio Martin, do you remember him?"

"I think so. He was a nice kid. Good at hoverball."

"Yeah, well that 'nice kid' is a year older than me. Although, it's nice to be thought of as a kid again."

"So what is the mission, exactly?"

"Damned if I know. I'm sure I'll be informed once I'm on board."

* * *

Chakotay accompanied Janeway to the Starfleet transporter station where she would beam up to the ship. They had chatted most of the way, but now she was silent and her eyes were downcast.

The lieutenant manning the transporter had almost fallen over in his attempt to stand to attention as Janeway had approached.

"Captain _Janeway_," he was obviously very much in awe of her "It's an honor to meet you, if I may say so, Captain."

"Thank you, Lieutenant...?" And she held out a hand to shake, which the young man took solemnly.

"Clemens, Captain." He answered in a hushed voice.

"Pleased to meet you Lieutenant Clemens, may I introduce you to former Commander Chakotay."

The young man looked as if he'd been given an extra Christmas present as he shook Chakotay's hand.

"An _honor_, sir." And the young man meant it.

"What did I tell you?" Janeway whispered to Chakotay, nudging him in the ribs, seemingly referring to their discussion while at Gretchen's about his Maquis past.

Lieutenant Clemens took her bag.

"I'll get this sent to the Chomsky for you, Captain. You take your time, you've got another forty minutes before we pull up the gang plank."

"Thank you Lieutenant, I'll be getting on board in a few minutes." But he had already wandered discretely away with her bag, giving her the opportunity to say goodbye in relative privacy.

"Do you think the Bret have a sweet tooth?"

She gave him a weak smile. "I sure hope so. Dessert is my main mission nowadays."

Now he was worried. Janeway was sometimes a bit down before a trip but this was different somehow.

"Kathryn, are you okay?"

She smiled at him. He rather thought it was forced.

"Of course I'm okay. I'll see you in a couple of weeks."

* * *

Janeway still couldn't believe that they'd been sent on this mission with both a majority of the crew having little or no space experience and a ship that could only be described as 'experimental' and that only if one was being charitable.

Neither of the two factors should make things difficult on their own, but _together_, she privately thought them a recipe for disaster.

At least the Captain, Horatio Martin, was an excellent and experienced officer. One of the few survivors of her graduating class due to the colossal losses experienced during the recent war. 'Marty' was a good captain and they readily renewed their old friendship.

The rest of the ship's main staff could hardly be called 'senior' in any way. Apart from the Chief Medical Officer, Commander Tuev, and two Lieutenants in engineering, the rest of the officers were ensigns. It hardly seemed possible that the ship had been permitted to leave McKinley Station with this junior complement.

Marty had confided in her that he felt the same way. It hadn't seemed like such a critical factor until his first officer and two other senior staff had been exposed to a virus and were to be in quarantine for another week after the Chomsky's proposed departure. Admiral Queeg had been adamant that the mission couldn't be delayed any further and as the nature of the mission was deemed such low risk, the very junior crew would have to suffice.

If working with Queeg had been a trial on Earth, doing it within the confines of a vessel barely half the size of Voyager was truly difficult.

She couldn't escape him. He was everywhere.

They were out for less than a day when he suddenly found fault with, of all things, her boots. He didn't approve of the height of her heels and ordered her into 'regulation' boots. Not wanting to argue, she complied, but this hadn't seemed to appease him.

There was however, an upside to the trip so far. Her fellow officers, though extremely junior, seemed to be an excellent group.

She had struck up an almost instant friendship with an Ensign Emily Twinkler. Twinkler reminded Janeway of the young, and small, Harry Kim. Twinkler, or 'Twinky' as everyone seemed to call her, was shy but eager to please. This was her first space mission.

Ensign Leth was also a space rookie. He was an engineer and having spoken to the other more senior officers in his area, they were impressed with his abilities. Like Twinkler, he was just really trying to find his feet on a starship, as were so many of the other junior officers.

Janeway spent most of her free time with Twinky and Leth. They made an unlikely trio sitting together in the mess hall but after the first couple of days, the other officers got over their awe of the legendary captain of Voyager, and joined them.

Janeway had also finally found something to do on board the Chomsky. She was needed to help in Engineering on an almost daily basis.

The experimental engines were proving extremely unstable and, given the circumstances, she couldn't understand why the ship hadn't been ordered to just turn around and head back to McKinley. There were constant problems and though none were of major consequence, a full engineering crew was required at all times just to keep the ship running.

But engineering had one big advantage for Janeway. So far, Admiral Queeg had not found it necessary to follow her there and criticize everything she did.

Today, however, had been very trying. She had just sat down for dinner when she got a call from the Chief Engineer, there had been a series of failures, mostly straightforward but with potentially serious consequences and the engineering staff were unable to keep up, could she return to engineering and help out?

Trudging down the corridor to her quarters, she remembered that she was to meet Ensign Twinkler and a couple of the others for breakfast to discuss their career ambitions. She had left a message for Captain Martin early this morning and requested a later shift for the next day.

"Janeway to Twinkler."

"_Twinkler here, Captain_."

"Twinky, I'm sorry, I won't be able to make breakfast, I've been up all night in engineering. Can we make another time?"

"_Of course, Captain. How about we figure something out tomorrow_?"

"Suits me, Twinky. Thanks, and can you let the others know for me? Janeway out."

Finally reaching her quarters, she entered and without bothering to call for lights, she fell onto her bed fully clothed, not caring that her uniform was filthy. She would clean it all up when she'd had some sleep. Even in the hard days, when Voyager had been under attack, she hadn't felt this tired and defeated as she did on board the Chomsky with the most serious things happening were mechanical problems.

This is what she'd been reduced to. Hiding in engineering, helping with the endless numbers of difficulties they had encountered since they'd left home.

Maybe when she returned she should request a transfer to Starfleet Research. Get back into science. Perhaps she was too much of an unreliable maverick to be allowed another command.

All these thoughts were swirling around her head when the door signaled that someone was outside.

With a weary sigh, she called out for whoever it was to enter, pushing herself upright and returning to the main section of her cabin.

She almost laughed at the sight that was presented to her. Admiral Queeg, ramrod straight with hands behind his back and looking none too happy stepped into the room with Ensign Mead, who just looked terrified and dismayed at the same time, holding a padd.

"Captain," it was the Admiral who spoke, "I'm performing an on-the-spot quarters inspection."

This time, she did laugh.

"You're _joking_."

"Captain, you will stand attention when you address a superior officer."

Janeway was still trying to process what was happening here. Was she dreaming? She hadn't undergone an inspection since, well actually, now she came to think of it, she couldn't remember when the hell the last time was.

"_Captain_!" Queeg was shouting at her now. "Perhaps others may pander to your atrocious behavior , but I will not. At _attention_. _Now!_"

She now stood in the middle of her quarters at perfect Academy attention.

Mead was looking even more miserable than he did before and his eyes met hers in silent sympathy and apology. Meanwhile, Admiral Queeg was shouting out infractions to him and Mead was glumly entering them into the record.

"Captain, this is appalling. It is 0900 hours and your bed is not only not made, but it is also dirty."

"Sir, if I may," Ensign Mead couldn't stand any more of this "Captain Janeway has been working for the last twelve hours in Engineering, she was called out during the night…"

"Ensign! Not another word or I'll have you on report as well!" There was a slight, almost hysterical edge to the Admiral's speech. "It seems that the Captain's disrespectful manner is having a deleterious affect on this ship's crew as well." Still shouting, he swung back at Janeway. "Well Captain?"

"No excuse, sir." Standard Academy reply, but she was pleased that she made it sound vaguely insulting.

"No excuse indeed, Captain. Your quarters are a disgrace. The state of these rooms is appalling and your uniform is disgusting. And where is your jacket?"

She didn't bother replying, thinking it wouldn't be a good idea to point out that she was in her quarters, so she could take off her jacket. He was now examining her desk where the calculations and recommendations she was putting together for the engineering Chief were scattered over the surface. That had somehow given him another three infractions to add to Mead's list. The ensign was now just looking sick.

"Janeway your behavior is slovenly, slapdash and totally unacceptable. You're on report."

And with that exclamation, he turned on his heel and went out the door, with the distraught Ensign Mead trotting behind him.

When she finally managed to return to a more relaxed pose, her shoulders slumped and she pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes. Why was this happening? Was the Admiral unreasonable, or was it in fact true that she had developed some bad habits while lost in the Delta Quadrant wilderness?

Despite her weariness, she stripped the bed of the soiled linen and replaced the sheets and remade it using precision military corners. Satisfied that it conformed with proper standards, she removed her uniform, placed it in the recycler and practically sleep walked into the bathroom. Taking a quick water shower, she felt cleaner but still exhausted and fell onto her crisp, newly made up bed. She was asleep within minutes.

The next day, Janeway felt better and less dejected. On her way to the mess hall for lunch, she realized that she needed a strategy to limit her direct contact with Queeg. There were only a few more days to go on this mission, so if she could spend as much time as she could in Engineering, then perhaps just staying out of his line of sight would help. It was worth a try anyway.

She smiled to herself when she thought of any of her crew hiding from _her_. It just wouldn't happen. And then she thought of Mortimer Harren who had managed to keep himself off her sensors for nearly six years. Surely Mort would be considered a special case.

As she came around the corner, Janeway could hear Admiral Queeg's high pitched voice tearing strips off someone. She could see his back, but not the object of his tirade.

When she got closer, the target revealed themselves to be poor little Twinky, looking for all the world like she wanted to die.

"…and you've changed this duty roster without my authorization Ensign!"

"Sir, Captain Martin…"

"I don't want your pathetic excuses, Twinkler!"

"Admiral," Janeway wouldn't have Twinky taking the brunt of this attack. "Ensign Twinkler changed the roster on my orders, after I checked with Captain Martin."

Her attempt to stop him attacking the ensign worked. Unfortunately, he now turned his attention to Janeway and he looked furious.

"I will not have my authority undermined Janeway!" He screamed at her. "Your insubordination has now gone too far. Consider yourself demoted back to Commander." His movement towards her throat was sudden and she reflexively pushed his arm away.

"Make that Lieutenant Commander for assaulting a superior officer. I'll be making an official report to Starfleet Command this afternoon." He again reached up and Janeway now realized now that he was taking a pip from her collar. "And I want you back in science blue, Janeway. You're not fit for command."

And with that, he stormed off down the corridor, leaving a stunned Janeway and distraught Ensign Twinkler in his wake.

"Oh Captain. I'm so sorry. That was all my fault."

"Twinky, is was _not_ your fault, it was mine. And seeing we're so close in rank now, you'd better start calling me Kathryn." Her tone was light and she smiled as she reached over and touched the younger women's arm. "It's okay, Twinky." Twinkler nodded but was unconvinced.

But it wasn't really okay. The last twenty four hours had been a complete nightmare. This was a sign. It was time to resign her commission. Starfleet wasn't the same organization it had been when she'd left for her mission to the Badlands over seven years ago. And she wasn't the same officer. Apparently, she wasn't much of an officer at all.

* * *

After the quarters inspection and the subsequent demotion, Queeg also ordered Janeway to change quarters. She was moved to the section between the junior officers and enlisted personnel.

Twinky had turned up just after she'd finished unpacking with a huge mug of strong coffee as a 'house warming' gift.

"Where were you when I needed you in the Delta Quadrant?" Twinky laughed at the comment. "Seriously though, Twinky, if he finds you here, he'll probably bust you down to crewman."

"No problem, I tied a bell round his neck." The defiant tone almost comical coming from the young officer.

"You did what?"

"I've got the computer to tell me when he's on the same deck. Just think how much easier this trip would've been if we'd thought to do that from day one!"

"Twinky, that's a move worthy of Tom Paris. Believe me, there's no higher praise."

They chatted for a short time until Twinkler explained she had to go on duty.

"Thanks for the coffee, Twinky."

"My pleasure, Kathryn. See you in the morning."

Janeway figured that the way she was going she'd probably by in a Utopia Planetia brig by morning, but she didn't share this with her young friend.

* * *

"Hi."

"Hi."

The nightly comm calls to Chakotay were the highlight of Janeway's days. On more than one occasion, she had found herself counting down the minutes until she was off duty, like a cadet wanting to call home. Today she desperately needed to see him and hear his voice.

"Kathryn, are you okay? You look upset."

"No, I'm fine, thank you, Chakotay. Just a tough day."

"Kathryn," he peered at her intently, Janeway was wearing her 'Just do it' shirt. "do you ever take that shirt off?"

That made her laugh. At last.

"Of course I do. I even wash it occasionally." She felt better just talking to him, even if it was only over the comm. "What have you been doing with yourself?"

"I've got a new girlfriend."

Chakotay thought that she looked like she just been punched in the stomach. Her reaction was only visible for a split second before she'd recovered, but it had been there. That certainly gave him something to ponder.

"Really? How lovely. Do I know her?"

There it was again. Now she looked like she was going to cry. He put her out of her misery.

"Let me introduce you now." Janeway looked as if she was about to run away. "No, Kathryn, _wait_. Here she is."

Chakotay turned and bent down slightly and returned to view holding a beautiful Irish Setter puppy. Janeway was sniffling now.

"She's adorable." Her hands wiped away the tears. Relief clearly showing on her face.

"She's nearly nine weeks old. I'm waiting till you're home to name her, at the moment she's answering to 'Puppy'. I've only had her three days and she's already helping with the compost heap. She's started digging a vegetable garden for you too."

"I'll bet."

"Kathryn. Are you really all right?" He put the dog down and held his hand up to the screen. She instantly mimicked the action, putting her palm to his. Her immediate reaction emboldened him. "Kathryn, would you like to be my other girlfriend? My real one?"

"Oh yes." Her voice was almost a whisper. "I'd like that very much, Chakotay."

"Thank you, Kathryn." He gave her a cheeky grin. "I can't wait till you get home."

"Me too." She whispered.

"So, girlfriend. Am I allowed to tell your mother?"

"I'm sure she already knows." She laughed and her sense of humor had seemed to return. "Hey, I am _chief girlfriend_, right?"

"_Chief_ girlfriend? Wrong tribe. I've only got one now."

"What about 'Puppy'?"

"She's actually a welcome home present for you."

"Thanks, Chakotay."

"Now we're an official item, I need more information about you." He motioned to her t-shirt. "Do you often get obsessed with garments?"

"Not often. Although, I did wear your white shirt to bed for about six months." She looked suddenly shy at her admission.

"You're kidding me? I looked everywhere for that shirt and you stole it?"

"You can have it back now, if you like. It's in my dresser. I'll steal another one when I'm home." She'd actually forgotten she'd had the shirt until she unpacked all her things from Voyager when Chakotay had finished her bedroom. After Christmas, she'd taken to wearing it again.

"You've still got it and you really _wore it to bed_?" He was delighted by this whole conversation now. It had started out with Janeway looking so melancholy, but now she was almost happily teasing him.

Suddenly, the mood shifted.

"It made you seem closer."

"Kathryn, why didn't you say something?"

"I couldn't Chakotay. You know that. It was too big a risk. And then, after a while, I'd convinced myself that I was 'over' you."

"Yes, I did too. I'm sorry."

"I'll make it up to you. I promise."

"I can't wait until you're home. I don't suppose you could steal a shuttle or something?"

"You wouldn't believe how tempting a proposition that is."

* * *

Confined to quarters.

In her _whole career_ she had never been confined to quarters. This was turning out to be more of a voyage of the damned than the whole seven years in the Delta Quadrant had ever been. Not only was she stuck in her cabin, but the Admiral had seen fit to reassign her quarters _again_, this time to a cabin without a porthole. She was now two decks down, with the non-coms and not even a window to watch the stars.

Why didn't Starfleet just cashier her? This was death by a thousand cuts.

She had spent forty five minutes shining her damn boots this morning. Taking no chances with the fresher, she had replicated a new uniform as well. Hell, she'd even given herself a manicure in an attempt to make absolutely sure there would be no opportunity for even the slightest criticism.

But it hadn't been enough. Admiral Queeg had 'caught' her leaning against a console in Engineering, discussing issues regarding the ever increasingly erratic experimental warp core, with one of the maintenance crew.

The poor ensign she had been talking to hadn't been immune to his tirade either and had also been put on report for, it seemed, just talking to her.

Admiral Queeg had been enraged when Janeway had tried to intervene on the innocent ensign's behalf and consequently, here she found herself.

The already pounding headache was turning into a migraine and she was feeling sufficiently ill to ask for medication from the CMO. He had visited her quarters and showed some sympathy for her position.

"I'd like you to try and get some rest, Captain, er, sorry, Commander." He looked embarrassed.

"Thank you Doctor." She gave him a weak smile. "Despite what _my_ Doctor may've told you, I can follow orders. I won't be long out of bed. It's been a very long day."

"Please contact me if you start feeling ill again."

"I will, thank you."

She saw the doctor out and sat at her desk. A quick chat to Chakotay would do wonders. Probably more than the hypospray she'd just received. But it would only be around three in the afternoon in Indiana. He might not be home. Deciding to wait an hour or so, she leant her chin on her elbow and picked up a padd containing a report on the warp core. Maybe she'd be able to do something useful while she waited.

Janeway was still sitting at her desk in her quarters when an explosion rocked the vessel, throwing her out of her seat and against the table. Her hip took the brunt of the blow and she when she finally registered what had happened, she realized that she had fallen asleep sitting up and she had forgotten to call Chakotay.

Bringing her thoughts back to the present, it was apparent that the explosion had the unmistakable feeling of a ship, without shields, being hit by phaser fire.

Having only enough time to grab her jacket, she left her quarters and headed to the bridge at the best run she could manage.

The sight that greeted her when she finally struggled the bridge was one of total disarray. The whole area was full of smoke and the sizzle and pop of equipment failing could be heard from all consoles.

There were only two people present, Ensign Twinkler and the pilot from the gamma shift whose name she could never remember.

"Ensign Twinkler, report!"

Twinky's story horrified Janeway. Apparently, Admiral Queeg had arrived on the bridge about an hour into the shift. He hadn't asked any questions or contacted Captain Martin before ordering the operations officer to open fire on the Bret vessel.

"He was shouting something about the Bret treachery he had just discovered and that they were about to attack. When Grace, I mean, Ensign Johnson, objected, the Admiral shouted her down. Then he ordered a full phaser spread against the Bret." Twinky looked close to tears. "Thank god that the Bret had their shields up. Anyway, they returned fire and this," she motioned around the practically destroyed bridge "is the result. We took the brunt of their fire on this deck and deck four."

Deck four was where most of the officer's quarters were.

"Has Captain Martin been informed?"

"The Captain was in his ready room, he came out just as we fired. When the Bret volley hit us, he got tossed against the ops console." Twinky's voice got even smaller. "He was pretty badly hurt." She took a deep shuddering breath. "So were the ops and security officers. They were banged up too."

Janeway was moving around the various consoles, trying to ascertain their status. It wasn't good.

Twinky continued her story.

"Anyway, transporters weren't working, so I grabbed some people from outside," she gestured to the bridge door "and got them to take the injured to sick bay. It's not good down there either though. The CMO and one of the assistants are missing and the rescue crew are having trouble accessing deck four. A lot of the equipment isn't working either."

"Where's the Admiral now?" Janeway almost hoped that he'd been sucked out a hull breach.

"He left when the Captain was taken to sick bay. I'm not sure where he went. There's something seriously wrong with him, I think."

"Right. Well, it looks like we've got no shields, no weapons, most sensors are non-operational but from what I can see, it does look like there are some hull breaches on other decks and all internal and external comms are out." She peered at a monitor. "Environmental working at about seventy percent. Do you concur, Ensign?"

"Yes, ma'am"

Janeway looked at the two young people in front of her. They were plainly scared to death, but coping exceptionally well under the extreme circumstances.

"Are you okay, Twinky?" She got a nod from the young woman. "What about you, ensign?"

"Just a few bumps, Captain."

Janeway smiled at the slip. She wasn't sure if it was a sign of defiance, or just habit, that most of the junior officers still called her 'captain'. One had been put on report for it by Admiral Queeg, who seemed to be everywhere, just the day before.

"Good work, both of you. I'm going to Engineering. Twinky, you're in charge. If you get comms up, contact the Bret, then Starfleet and let them know the situation. Understood? And under no circumstances are you to fire again on the Bret vessel. I don't care what you tell the Admiral if he insists. I'll take full responsibility. Understood?" She made her way to the turbo lift.

"Yes, ma'am." Twinky looked terrified. She followed Janeway to the door "Kathryn," she whispered "shouldn't you stay here? I don't know…"

"Ensign Twinkler!" Janeway replied firmly "You have the bridge!"

"Aye, Captain."

The scene in Engineering resembled that on the bridge.

An unconscious, or worse, young engineer was draped across a terminal. Another was on the floor by the doorway. Janeway could see two officers working frantically on the warp core.

Ensign Leth was shouting instructions to his sole standing engineer.

"Captain! Thank god, you're here. I need someone to stabilize the flow on the intake. We're red lining badly! The core could go up." With that, he disappeared under a console.

Janeway hurried to the intake valve. It was about to fail, rushing over to the spare equipment locker, she grabbed another and started to replace it.

As she was working, she called out to Leth, "Ensign, give me an update."

Things weren't good. Systems were damaged everywhere and the already erratic engines were failing.

The three officers worked mostly silently, except for the cursing of the engineer. Even in this situation, Janeway reflected that swearing at the equipment was a universal characteristic for engineers everywhere. Even apprentice ones apparently.

When the critical repairs had been made, each moved onto other tasks. Leth moved onto trying to re-establish the shielding, while the other engineer concentrated on propulsion.

Janeway finally got some internal communications working and the first thing she did was contact Twinky for an update.

"Janeway to the bridge."

"_Ensign Twinkler here, Captain_." Again, Janeway smiled despite the situation. These kids really were something.

"What's our status, Ensign?"

"_We had a few issues with the universal translators, but the Bret have established some rudimentary communications with us, Captain and they've managed to contact Starfleet for us too. I've agreed to them sending a medical and rescue team over as soon as they can. They haven't got transporters working either_ _and we damaged their shuttle bay_." Twinky's voice sounded small again. "_They did incur significant damage Captain, so they're not at full strength themselves_."

"And the Chomsky situation, Twinky?"

"_We've got some runners checking conditions on all decks. It's not too bad_," Janeway could hear the deep breath "_we don't seem to have any dead, and they've found Doctor Tuev but he's badly injured too. The assistants have set up a triage but they're overwhelmed. I've sent anyone with first aid training that can be spared down to help_."

She had indeed sent out runners. Some had turned up in Engineering and taken the unconscious crew members a short while before. Others had returned and were assisting with repairs.

"Well done, Ensign. I'll stay down here. You've got everything under control. Carry on."

"_Aye, Captain_."

No one noticed Admiral Queeg enter Engineering at first, but all present were soon made aware of his presence.

"Leth, when the hell are we going to have weapons? We're in a combat situation here!"

The young engineer was totally at a loss. Although he knew what had caused the damage the Chomsky has sustained, he thought the crisis was over and he had needed to concentrate on the warp core.

Hearing the admiral's voice, Janeway emerged from under the console on which she was working.

Looking across the room, she could see Admiral Queeg with Ensign Twinkler trailing him. Janeway reasoned that the Bret situation must have been under control for Twinky to have left the bridge.

Twinky looked exhausted. They all looked exhausted. All except Admiral Queeg, who seemed to be almost manic now.

He was pacing around the area and he'd just picked up the worn out valve that Janeway had replaced but hadn't had time to recycle yet. The admiral was scowling at the piece of equipment and was muttering under his breath.

It was now obvious to Janeway that Admiral Queeg had completely disintegrated mentally and it was also clear that Twinky had taken it upon herself to keep him out of trouble.

God, what a mess, thought Janeway, suddenly feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. At least they were close to home now, as Leth had managed to get minimum warp speed working for the last hour or so.

"Admiral," Janeway distracted him away from Leth "weapons will be on line shortly."

His furious gaze swung onto her. He now appeared even angrier than when he first arrived.

"Janeway, what the hell are you doing here? Can't you follow _any_ orders? You were confined to quarters!"

The younger officers shifted nervously around her. They all now recognized that there was something seriously wrong with the admiral.

Janeway tried to reason with him, keeping her voice soothing and even.

"Sir, I thought that I should try to help out here. We had quite a significant number of injuries…Admiral, I have er, placed myself under the authority of Ensign Leth,"

Leth, to his credit, didn't even flinch at this statement. Unfortunately, Queeg was beyond reason.

"Look at the state of your uniform _again_!" His eyes were wild now. Then he spied her t-shirt under her blouse and his hysteria reached a new level. "Out of uniform! A disgrace! I've never seen such disgusting conduct!"

"My apologies, Admiral, I'll return to my quarters now." she lied, trying to placate him, shrugging on her uniform jacket.

"An abomination!" He screamed. "You're a Bret spy!"

Without warning, he swung at Janeway with the replaced intake valve. He hit her on the shoulder and she staggered with the blow. Before anyone could come to her aid, he hit her again on the side of her face and she dropped to the deck like a stone.

* * *

The puppy was barking. It had been cute the previous afternoon when he was playing with her, but at three o'clock in the morning it was less than appealing.

Chakotay finally realized that it was the sound of the doorbell ringing that had set the animal off.

"Good girl." He patted her on the head and then tried not to tread on her as he stumbled his way to the front door, while she threaded herself through his legs. "Coming!" he shouted as the door bell rang once again.

Whatever he expected when he opened the door, it wasn't a Starfleet officer.

Chakotay suddenly felt sick and thought that he might pass out.

"Commander Chakotay?"

Another officer standing slightly behind the one at the door, caught the puppy as it gleefully barreled out the opened doorway.

"Sir, may we come in?"

Chakotay didn't move. "Is she dead?" the words came out in a calm fashion but inwardly he was screaming a denial.

"We'd be better discussing it inside, sir." And the young man guided Chakotay into the house. The second officer, still holding the delighted squirming dog, moved ahead and found the living room, guiding his partner and Chakotay inside.

Once they were all seated, the first man introduced them as Lieutenants Murphy and Felea.

"Please, tell me. Is she dead?"

"Well sir, to be honest, we're not sure. We did receive an automated distress call from the Chomsky, then a garbled message from the Bret vessel they had met. There were reports of casualties, which I'm sorry to say, included Captain Janeway, but we have since received signals that seem to contradict that message." The young man looked apologetic. "The communications are all quite garbled."

Chakotay slowly tried to process what he'd been told. It didn't seem to be working.

"She's _not_ dead?" he needed them to _deny_ it.

"Unconfirmed at this stage, sir. I'm sorry." And he really looked it. "But the Chomsky will be arriving at Utopia Planetia in about an hour."

"Unconfirmed? What the hell does that mean?" he rubbed his face in exasperation. "How could a ship be that close and we not know? Why hasn't another ship met it?"

"We're not sure, sir. But we can arrange transport to UP immediately for you."

Chakotay absently stroked the puppy's ears. He was still not sure that he understood what was happening but he knew that he had to meet the Chomsky.

"I'll just need to get changed."

"Of course, sir. We'll wait here."

By the time he'd dressed and organized the puppy in the laundry, Murphy informed him that another report had been received from the Chomsky and there had been no fatalities. It didn't mean she wasn't injured, but it did mean she was alive.

The three men all shook hands in celebration.

* * *

The relief still flooding through his body made him feel lightheaded. His eyes misted over and he swiped his hand over his face.

There was quite a crowd waiting for the final docking. It was organized chaos. No one seemed to have any details about anything. Although Starfleet hadn't announced any casualties, apart from Kathryn as far as he knew, it seemed that the crew's families needed the immediate reassurance of seeing for themselves.

The ugly memories of the recent war saw to that.

With almost a silent sigh, the doors of the docking bay opened and the crew of the Chomsky began to file out of the ship. One by one they came through the hatch into the arrivals area.

Given the nature of the crew, it wasn't surprising how many were greeted by parents. Once the initial greetings were made, there was quite a bit of crying with relief from the mothers and not a small amount from some of the fathers, as they all moved off towards the transport area.

A niggle of worry started to gnaw at him once more, as the stream of alighting crew began to reduce to a trickle.

Where could she be? Maybe she was…_no_, he wouldn't even allow himself to think that.

Then, his eyes fell on an impossibly small science officer with a slight limp and an arm in an old fashioned sling.

"Kathryn?"

She staggered more than ran to him, throwing her good arm around him, and her head barely came up to his chest. He needed little encouragement and, in fact, he desperately needed to hold her. They continued to cling to each other for some time until an apologetic crewman cleared her throat and shyly asked them to make room on the gang way.

Chakotay came to his senses and held her at arm's length.

"God, did I hurt you? I'm sorry." He continued his examination, but was now almost giddy with relief. "You look like hell, Kathryn. Nice shiner." He wondered how he could possibly have missed it before.

"Nothing broken now. Sick bay couldn't cope after we got hit by the Bret. I've got some final touches to be done now that we're on shore."

She wobbled a bit on her feet and he instantly put his arm around her for support.

"I'll take you to Starfleet Medical right now."

"No, please Chakotay," she rested her head on his chest "I just want to go home. Can we call the Doctor to come see me?" She looked up and gave him a small smile "It's about time he made a house call. Please, just take me _home_."

Chakotay was sufficiently worried to call the Doctor on their way to the transport station. He would meet them at the house.

Janeway was now practically asleep standing up, but within minutes they were transported close to home. He seriously wondered if he would need to carry her the last few meters.

Chakotay was relieved to see the Doctor standing on the porch waiting for them as they arrived. They almost had to drag Janeway up the final couple of steps into the house.

"Let's get her to her bed, Chakotay." The Doctor led the way inside "I've downloaded her medical report from the Chomsky."

Chakotay had now picked her up and was carrying her, following the Doctor inside.

"What were they thinking, letting her go like this?"

"It was pretty chaotic on board, Chakotay." He began scanning as soon as she was on the bed. "And I think she just walked out."

Chakotay couldn't make any sense of that. As the Doctor examined Janeway, he removed her new low heeled boots and slacks, and then, with the Doctor's help to protect her arm, they removed her jacket. They both smiled when they realized that under her jacket and blouse she was wearing her favorite t-shirt that Tom had given her on Voyager.

"Hmm, concussion, remainder of a severe fracture of her cheek bone, cracked rib and shoulder and torn ligaments in her left knee and a very attractive bruise on her hip. Looks like she got tossed around quite a bit." The Doctor snapped closed his tricorder, "Kathryn Janeway sure knows how to have a good time." He started unpacking instruments from the large bag he'd been carrying "Well, let's get started. She's out cold now, but I'll give her something for the inflammation and pain and see how she goes."

* * *

The comm light was flashing, indicating an emergency call. Chakotay assumed it would be Gretchen and he realized that in his panic this morning he had forgotten to let her know that there was a problem, let alone that everything was now all right.

"Chakotay."

"Admiral?"

He couldn't have been more surprised. Staring at him with an extremely agitated look on her face was Alynna Nechayev.

"Is Captain Janeway there?"

"Yes sir." That sort of slipped out. Apparently you can take the man out of Starfleet but you can't take the Starfleet out of the man. "I picked her up at the docking station."

"Thank god. I've been worried. She didn't sign out."

He was staggered. He couldn't believe that Kathryn had gone effectively AWOL. There was going to be hell to pay it seemed.

"She had been wounded, Admiral, a head injury…"

Nechayev made a dismissive slashing motion with her hand.

"Don't worry about _paperwork_. It's all taken care of. I just wanted to make sure she was okay." She paused. "She is, isn't she? A head injury? Did you want me to send over a doctor, or I can arrange transport to Medical?"

"It's fine, Admiral. I contacted Voyager's EMH. He was waiting at home for us."

"Excellent. Good work, Commander." She sighed in obvious relief and then stared at him with an intense gaze. She appeared suddenly unsure of herself. "Chakotay, I know you have no reason to trust me," she must be referring to her history with the Maquis, he assumed, "but may I come to the house? There are some things that I need to discuss with Captain Janeway."

"She's asleep, Admiral. The Doctor gave her a light sedative when he treated her, I'm not sure when she'll be awake. We didn't realize she was AWOL, is there something I can do…"

"Don't worry about the AWOL thing, I've taken care of that and just about everything else." Chakotay wondered what 'everything else' could refer to, maybe something about her science uniform. "Actually, I'd like to talk to you too. If you don't want me in your home, I understand."

"The war's over, Admiral. I'm sure you're welcome to visit and it's Captain Janeway's home."

"Thank you." She gave him a warm smile. "I'll be over within the hour, if you're sure it's all right."

"Of course. I'll put some coffee on. That may even wake Kathryn for you."

Three hours later, Chakotay found himself sitting in the living room, finishing the second pot of coffee with Alynna Nechayev and completely revising his negative opinion of her. Which, he mused to himself, showed that all things in the universe were possible.

Nechayev had related the events of the Chomsky to Chakotay.

No wonder Kathryn had appeared so upset when he had spoken to her only two nights before. Nechayev explained how she had come to be demoted and reassigned to science during the trip.

If it hadn't been so horrible, it would have been funny. Of all the people to accuse of not respecting Starfleet and its traditions, Kathryn Janeway would be the last on his list. The criticism, however unjust, would probably have upset her enormously.

The admiral also told him of the obvious hero worship of the junior officers towards Janeway. When she had left Twinkler in charge of the bridge and then left for Engineering, Twinkler had managed to negotiate with the Bret for medical help as well as some Bret repair personnel being sent to their vessel.

"The Captain has had the most amazing affect on those young officers. Especially Ensigns Twinkler and Leth. She's engendered the most incredible loyalty."

Chakotay was glad to hear Nechayev continue to refer to Janeway as 'captain' and he couldn't agree more about her assessment of his former commanding officer.

"Admiral, anyone who has worked for or with Kathryn Janeway would walk through the gates of hell for her. And we did sometimes have to do just that, but she always got us through. It's not misplaced loyalty."

Nechayev nodded in agreement, smiling at his assessment. Her expression suddenly sobered.

"Do you think she might resign her commission, Chakotay?"

"I honestly don't know, Admiral. I think she'll have been very hurt by the treatment that has been meted out to her in the last six months, not just on this mission."

"Who could blame her?" Nechayev sighed sadly "Selfishly, and from Starfleet's point of view, I hope she stays on in the job. Quite frankly, we can't afford to lose her."

He had, however, been completely shocked by her description of the events of the Chomsky mission. No wonder Kathryn had been so shattered on her return. It wasn't just the physical injuries that had affected her so deeply. Being demoted and relegated back to science officer must've been the straw that broke the camel's back. Her fall from grace complete.

"Admiral Queeg has been relieved of duty. Just before I came here I received a report that he was suffering from a rare disease not unlike the ancient affliction of syphilis. The poor man is delusional. Nobody had picked it up, I'm sorry to say, before they left on their mission. It's totally my responsibility and I blew it. I'm lucky that I didn't have even more blood on my hands."

Chakotay was shocked by her candor.

"The demotion doesn't stand, of course. Nor does the transfer to the sciences stream."

"Chakotay, who are you talking to…Oh, Admiral, excuse me."

"Please Kathryn, it's Alynna. I know it's your house, but please join us."

Janeway carefully sat next to Chakotay on the sofa.

"Kathryn, how are you feeling? Please relax, I'm not here in an official capacity."

"Much better than whenever it was that I got back." she looked to Chakotay.

"It's about 1600 now Kathryn." She nodded her thanks.

"I was just explaining to Chakotay about the mission, Kathryn. I can't express how sorry I am about what happened. Admiral Queeg has been medically relieved of duty. Your demotion has been expunged, as has your move to science."

"Thank you." Her total lack of enthusiasm worried Chakotay and surprised Nechayev. "What happened after Queeg hit me?"

"Ensign Twinkler relieved him and had him put in the brig."

Janeway finally brightened at the Admiral's statement. "She did?"

"Not only that, but she did an outstanding job of dealing with the Bret. Their captain hadn't been on the bridge either, when Queeg attacked them and, as soon as she spoke to him, he realized that something odd had happened. Well, something more 'odd' than a damned Starfleet vessel attacking his ship without provocation." Nechayev sighed. "Anyway, she bought the ship back with the help of the Bret and was well on the way to having her report completed when you docked. She organized it all with the Bret."

"I know my opinion isn't welcomed, but that kid is command material." Janeway's voice had returned to a monotone.

"Well, she's currently scared to death. It's not every day an ensign relieves an Admiral. I've sent her home with her parents. But she's terribly worried about you Kathryn, when you're up to it, could you give her a call?"

"Of course, Admiral."

"Well, I'd better leave you to rest. You're on your four month's leave as of now, Captain. When you return, come and see me. We'll talk about you sponsoring Ensign Twinkler at command school and we can have a proper debrief about the Chomsky."

"Four months?"

"Well, you don't think that four weeks was all you were entitled to, do you? Didn't Admiral Queeg…" at Janeway's confused look she continued. "Good god, Kathryn, he didn't tell you?"

"No ma'am. He didn't talk to me much at all."

"What a mess." The admiral rubbed her face "Look, don't worry about anything, do you understand me? Everything is under control and I'll send you the details of your proposed promotion etc with my assistant this afternoon." She considered something. "No, I'll do it now…Nechayev to Lieutenant Enders."

"_Yes, Admiral_?"

"Christopher, get all the details of Captain Janeway's transitional activities and transport the padd ASAP to this location."

"_Aye, Admiral_."

Nechayev took a deep breath. "I don't believe this. The placing with Queeg was supposed to be anything but a punishment. The idea was to be a more relaxed debriefing. He was one of your most ardent admirers while you were in the Delta Quadrant and argued for you as we received some of your logs. I thought that he'd look out for you. Obviously, I was wrong." She looked at Janeway. "I am so terribly sorry, Kathryn."

Janeway said nothing.

"_Enders to Nechayev. Transporting now_."

"Thank you Chris. Now get home."

"_Thank you, Admiral_."

A padd materialized in front of them.

Nechayev picked it up and handed it to Chakotay.

"Here, look this over. If you have any questions, and I mean _anything_ at all, call me. I mean it."

At last Janeway spoke.

"Admiral, may I accompany Chakotay to Trebus for a week or two?"

"You're free to do whatever you wish, wherever you wish. That damned Queeg…" Nechayev stopped and rubbed her forehead. "Your time is your own. Again, I can't tell you how sorry I am."

She picked up her briefcase and stood, holding out her hand to Chakotay, who gave her a warm handshake. "Thank you for the coffee, Chakotay. You stay here. I'll see myself out."

"Your mother will be here soon." Chakotay had called Gretchen as soon as the Admiral had left and he was concerned that Kathryn was so quiet, despite the good news. As he joined her on the sofa, she had almost burrowed into his side and he instinctively put his arm around her to comfort her. When he finally looked down to check on her, he realized that she was again asleep.

The sound from the kitchen woke him. Looking down he could see that Kathryn was still sound asleep. It occurred to him that going by what had transpired on the Chomsky, it was likely that she hadn't had a good night's sleep in probably three to four days.

Again he heard the noise. It was coming from the kitchen, so he assumed it was Gretchen.

As if to confirm he theory, Gretchen emerged with a large pot of tea and a plate of sandwiches, with Puppy at her heels. She put the lot on the coffee table after ensuring it was out of the dog's reach.

She gave Chakotay a warm smile and cupped his cheek almost exactly how her daughter had a couple of years before. Except Gretchen followed her touch with a tender kiss on his forehead, before sitting down.

"How are we doing?" she poured him a cup of tea and turned the handle towards him, also placing a sandwich within his reach.

"I think we've both been asleep since the Admiral left. What time is it?"

"It's about 6.30pm. I've been here for a couple of hours but I've been busy. I've already sent a holo-image of you two to Phoebe. I'm surprised you didn't hear her squeal."

"It's finally happened I think, Gretchen." They both knew what he meant.

"Well, you two were the last to know."

"We were the first to know and then we forgot for the longest time, I think."

A muffled "Chakotay" rumbled against his chest. Kathryn slowly pushed herself into a sitting position. "Hi, Mom."

"Hello, honey. Hard day at the office?"

"A little bit."

Half an hour later, the three sat comfortably in the living room, eating sandwiches and drinking the tea.

"Are you sure you're feeling okay, Kathryn?" Chakotay asked her as she ate her third sandwich. "The Doctor left a hypo if you're in pain."

"No, really, I'm fine. No headache, but I'm starved." The puppy had positioned herself on Janeway's lap and neither was inclined to move. "I haven't eaten much over the last forty-eight hours."

Gretchen watched her daughter intently but seemed satisfied that she was, at least physically, doing well.

"So, what are your plans for your four months leave?"

"We're going to visit Trebus." Kathryn said, as she picked up a couple of slices of apple of the now nearly empty sandwich plate.

Gretchen knew how important this was to Chakotay, and that he was unwilling to visit his home planet without Kathryn.

"And, when we return," added Chakotay, "we're going to get married."

"Really?" both women asked at the same time. Both clearly delighted.

"Really. I'll let Sekaya know and that'll give her enough time to get leave and return home." He looked at Kathryn, who was smiling back at him.

"So is it some kind of tradition of your people that you get engaged without even kissing your intended?" Kathryn asked, tea mug in hand and looking much better than she had a few hours ago.

"Wrong tribe." Replied Chakotay and leant down, taking the mug out of her hand and placing it on the side table. He tenderly took placed a hand to the side of her face and lowered his lips to hers.

"I'll just make some more sandwiches." Gretchen sighed happily as she left them to it.

* * *

"Captain? I'm Lieutenant Enders from Admiral Nechayev's office. A matter of some importance has arisen and you're to report to Head Quarters on Friday at 0930."

Well, that didn't take long, Janeway reflected. She had almost twenty four hours of respite before she had, in the opinion of damned Starfleet, done something wrong again.

"I'm not going. I'll resign my commission. Screw 'em."

"Kathryn, I think you should go."

Janeway made an indelicate snorting noise.

"Yesterday, Nechayev was here being all touchy feely and today she gets her _assistant_ to order me to HQ without so much as a 'sorry to interrupt your leave'." Chakotay could see the old Kathryn Janeway returning. An angry Janeway was a glorious thing to behold. She continued her rant.

"They probably just want to point out some other situation where I supposedly broke the damned regulations, or protocol." She was getting a head of steam up now, "I should go just to tell them where they can stick their interpretation of the prime directive."

"Well, maybe, but…"

"No buts, Chakotay," she was in full Janeway mode now. "Hey, maybe I'll go just to personally chew some Admiralty butt." She was pacing. Chakotay's heart soared. "I've had it up to here," she made a vague gesture that could've been construed as a little rude. "with their nit picking and 'holier than thou' pinger fointing." She was seething now.

"Pinger fointing?"

"Shut up Chakotay."

Her progress was halted by strong arms enveloping her.

"Welcome back, Kathryn." He kissed her. "I love it when you're angry."

"You must've been very happy in the Delta Quadrant then." She said wryly.

"Deliriously. Well, most of the time."

* * *

Janeway had continued to rail against Starfleet, the whole Federation senate, the Admiralty in general and Nechayev in particular, since they'd left the house. Chakotay didn't think he'd seen her this pissed in all the time he'd known her. She had quietly raged for the whole two days since they'd received the summons back to Starfleet and by the time they'd transported to San Francisco he was surprised that everything she touched didn't burst into flames.

They'd reached the Admiral's office with ten minutes to spare, only to be told by Lieutenant Enders that the meeting had been moved to another building. Janeway had quietly listened to the directions and had turned on her heel and marched out of the office at a determined clip. Chakotay had shot Enders an apologetic smile, before trying to catch up with her.

As they approached the building they had been directed to, Chakotay reflected that Kathryn was cutting an angry swathe through the crowded Starfleet corridors and paths. Luckily, no one seemed to have recognized her as she was having the effect of making people jump out of her way as she strode towards her destination.

"Shit, Chakotay!" Kathryn skidded to a halt, and Chakotay at his usual position just at her left shoulder, stopped too. "Was that President Dorell and Admiral Presk?" she blew out a big breath and with it, her anger seemed to escape suddenly. "They're going to have me shot."

"Perhaps it's just a coincidence. They wouldn't need the president here just to shoot you."

"I'll be out of this uniform within the hour." Kathryn's tone of voice was now resigned.

"Excellent. I've just recently discovered that I _love_ you out of uniform."

She punched his arm and smiled.

"_You've_ just discovered that you like me out of _any_ clothes."

"Ah, yes, well. Good point."

"Be serious Chakotay. I could be in prison within minutes." She shot him a very suspicious glance. "You're taking this all too well. What the hell is going on?" She rounded on him and as he was formulating a response, Nechayev's voice saved him.

"Captain, Commander. Right on time. This way, please."

The timing couldn't have been better. Janeway had been off balance when Nechayev had noticed their arrival. Once ushered into the smallish auditorium, they were faced with a bewildering array of officials, admirals and most importantly of all, Voyager's crew. At the front was a beaming Naomi Wildman and the rest of the Janeway family.

Janeway was maneuvered towards the officials and before she knew what was happening, she was shaking hands with the Federation President and several other official looking people. She was yet to give any sign that she understood what was transpiring.

"Captain Janeway, my office has received some very disturbing reports from quite a few members of your crew and I'm ashamed to say that their concerns haven't been addressed before now."

Janeway was completely off balance. Chakotay had left her to join the rest of the crew and left her on some kind of a stage with all the dignitaries.

"The subject of their concern was the dreadful treatment you had received since your return and in particular, the lack of recognition of your extraordinary achievements at the welcome home gala. After reviewing the circumstances and questioning many people about the events, I couldn't agree more. Your treatment has been appalling."

Janeway stood perfectly still. Chakotay thought she seemed stunned. She was looking towards the President, but he wasn't completely sure that she was taking in what was happening.

The President went on to explain how he had been receiving almost weekly letters from a Miss Wildman, Assistant to the Captain, asking for this egregious error to be rectified. "I only wish my assistant was as conscientious and loyal as yours Captain, as all this has only just recently come to my attention". His speech detailed, much in the manner of Naomi's presentation in the Delta Quadrant, Voyager's Captain's accomplishments and deeds performed in the process of getting her crew home.

The address culminated in Janeway being awarded an 'official' Voyager medal followed by tumultuous applause from her crew. Janeway still hadn't spoken and the President, probably recognizing that she was incapable of speech at this point, concluded the ceremony and encouraged those present to stay for the lunch that had been prepared for the occasion.

A whoop of joy, which could only have come from Tom Paris, seemed to awaken her from her dazed state, just in time to be enveloped in a Paris family hug, before being dragged down to where the whole crew were waiting to congratulate her.

Nechayev made her way to Chakotay's side, as a group of Admirals were laughing with a now more relaxed Janeway and several of the crew.

"How was she?"

"Steamed. You're lucky to have survived."

"Now that's the Kathryn Janeway of old." Nechayev was delighted. "She'll stay with Starfleet now just to get even with me. I can't wait until she gets back from leave. I'm going to have to watch my back." She seemed to be relishing the prospect.

* * *

The next morning Janeway joined her mother in the kitchen feeling better than she had in over six months. As the party had gone well into the evening, both she and Chakotay had accompanied Gretchen home.

Twenty four hours ago she thought her Starfleet life was over but now her whole life was full of wonderful possibilities.

"How are you this morning, Kathryn?"

"Better than I have been in months, thanks Mom."

"And you look a hundred percent better too." Gretchen walked around the kitchen bench and gave her daughter a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Not wearing your medal?"

"I thought it clashed with my pajamas, Mom."

"You used to love wearing your father's." Gretchen sighed and smiled at the memory.

"I'm a little older now. I've grown out of it."

Chakotay joined them a minute later just as Gretchen was putting a mug of coffee in front of her daughter. He greeted Gretchen with a cheery 'good morning' and a kiss.

"Hey, just remember who's girlfriend-in-chief, pal." Kathryn gave him a mock glare.

"Sorry Kathryn," he sat next to her "you know I love you, but your mother can _cook_."

And with that, Gretchen placed an enormous cooked breakfast in front of them both.

"So, when will you be back?"

"In about two weeks, Mom. Do you think you can get the wedding plans finalized by then?" Kathryn asked, although she had no doubt that her mother had most of the finer points nailed down months ago.

"Oh yes, dear." Gretchen turned to Chakotay "Are there any special cultural details you'd like included?"

"No, Gretchen, just a simple Starfleet or civil ceremony would be fine. We're a very uncomplicated people."

"Well, at least I don't have to get a tattoo." Laughed Kathryn.

Chakotay bent over to her with a large smile on his face. He leant in close and whispered "_Wrong tribe_".


End file.
